Midnight Thoughts ✔

|20| Who Was It?

Who Was It?

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"How about you?"

I turn to face Lucas and ask, "What?"

"How about you? What do you think about love?"

I look away from him and stare ahead into nothing. The past events flash before my eyes. I take a deep breath and exhale.

Then I speak.

"Love." I pause and let out a chuckle. "Love destroyed me once. And I don't think I'll get over it."

I sigh before saying, "There's this guy that I used to love years ago. You know what they say, 'It takes two to tango' and they've never been more right."

I hear Lucas ask, "What happened?"

"Life happened. Long story short, I fell in love with a boy who didn't feel the same way. And that's the worst feeling I've ever felt. I loved him so much that I lost myself. I lost who I was before I met him. I lost the old me."

"How could you lose yourself?" When I look at him, confusion is written all over his face.

I look away from his questioning gaze.

"You could if you didn't take enough care of it. Like I said, I loved him way too much to realize that I shouldn't change myself to be who I wanted him to see. I was happy before I met him but then I forgot what it felt like after everything came crashing down on me."

"You weren't happy?"

"Sometimes I was. Other times I wasn't. He broke my heart and he didn't even know it. That was the most painful heartbreak ever."

"Do you hate him?"

I chuckle involuntarily. Hate? Oh Lucas.

"No, I could never hate him even if I want to."

"Was it that bad?"

I frown. "What was that bad?"

"Him. Everything. How did you cope with it?"

I become silent for a while.

Bad? Was it that bad? How did I cope with it? Did I even cope with it?

Lucas's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "You okay?"

I give him a small smile. "It was..." I hold my breath for a while. For a second I don't know what to say. I heave a big sigh.

I bite my lower lip before saying, "It was bad. So bad. It was so bad to the point where I felt like dying."

I blink the tears away.

"Who was it?" Lucas asks.

If you only knew.

"Who was it?" He asks again when I didn't answer him the first time.

I look down at my hands for a moment. Then I slowly lift my head up at him and my eyes meet his instantly.

Something flashes in his eyes as they slightly widen in realization. At that moment we both know that now he knows who I've been talking about.