8:00PM
It was a night filled with happiness to me. We quickly kissed goodbye ni G, coz' I have to go back na and plus I don't really want to get caught by Dev, G said she just went outside to buy something, together with some friends. And so I left smiling. And I saw na she's happy too.
8:03 PM
As soon as I had opened my door.... I saw Jay sitting on a somewhat like a lazy boy couch in front of a huge flat screen. He's holding a glass of wine.
where had you been? He asked.
I stopped after closing the door.
I'm sorry boo, I just can't. I said.
He stood and face me....
do you still love Me Rhian? He firmly asked. do you?
I looked at his eyes. But hesistant to give him an answer.
god dammit! until now ganto parin tayo. He said with a loud voice.
I lost my temper at this point..
bakit mo ba pinipilit?! I told you I'm not ready! I said with a loud voice.
But this is just an engagement ring! why can't you accept it? He asked me back.
It's just I can't! I replied.
whats the problem? Bakit hindi? Answer me, do you still love me? hindi tayo ganito dati. And sino? who do you love now? sino?
I got provoked and irritated sa mga questions ni Jay.
I'm sorry but I don't feel the same anymore! I blurted out to him.
what! so ano one day nagising ka then you suddenly fell out of love with me? He asked again.
I'm sorry. I replied.
god dammit! Rhian. We've been together for a long time, bakit ngayon mo lang sinasabi sakin to? He asked back.
Hindi ko alam kung pano sasabihin sayo. Dahil naguguluhan ako nung una. I reasoned out.
Bakit ka maguguluhan? Bakit sino ba siya? He continued to ask.
You said, you'll wait. Pero ano tong ginagawa mo? You're pressuring me! I said.
I'm not...Rhian. You just have to know na I'm not going to stay forever young for you. Kaya ngayon pa lang pag isipan mo na ng mabuti. Hindi kita pakakawalan, but I can't wait forever either. He said. Then took his coat and left to chill outside.
I was speechless. I hate myself for a moment, Because it felt like I am hurting another person slowly. But I can't deny my love for G. I know there's no other way but to finally pick the love that I'd like to keep for sure. I'm still confused.
So I called Bianca.
B : hey bestie. how are you?
R : Not good.
B: why? you don't sound like you're sad naman.
R : hay. nalilito ako.
B: let me guess, the unending G vs J nanaman ba yan?
R : oo, bestie.
B : hay. You're so stubborn kasi, ba't ayaw mo pa i confirm kung sino ba sa kanila ang i lelet go mo?
R : mahirap bestie.
B: mahirap ba magpaka true sa sarili?
R: I don't know. I still want Jay to stay.
B : Then let go of G.
R : No. I love her.
B : ok, so let go of Jay.
R : but I need him around.
B : for?
R : look, hindi naman mangyayari to if Jay is not pressuring me to marry him na.
B : It's because it's what guys do when they are already on a stage na gusto na mag settle down. And he is on that age Rhian. Please consider that.
R : but he promised he'll wait.
B : but is he willing to wait with no specific time in your mind?
R : bestie, mas lalo mo ginugulo isip ko
B : i'm not, i'm making a big point
R: It's not helping me out.
B : if you want to hear me saying, ok sure go ahead, sail on two boats then I'm not a good friend
R : I still have alot of things to do, hindi ko pa priority ang marriage
B : ayun naman pala, don't forget the fact na sooner or later talagang mag ppropose yan sayo.
R : ... i don't know what to do now.
B : just try to think of your options very carefully. You don't have to rush yourself if you need more time.
R : thanks, bestie.
B: we'll talk more when you get back.
So our call conversation has ended. Pero andito parin ako at nag iisip. You know sometimes, it's easy to say things but the hardest part is doing it. Am I being too considerate? Or am I only thinking about my own happiness. Pag nanonood ka ng movie, parang it's easy to just predict kung sino ang dapat magkatuluyan pero in reality madalas hindi yon ang nasusunod. How I wish I can be detached with my own feelings para wala nang pahirapan pa in making decisions. I really needed more time to think.
9:30 PM
GLAIZA :
Nasa harap lang ako ng window, watching the beautiful view outside, even at night time, you'll still see the beauty of Milan.
Oh.. nagmumuni muni ka nanaman jan Dev said with a smile.
Huh... hindi naman. I smiled.
Sabi nila if ang tao malayo ang tingin, may iniisip ng malalim. Dev said.
Saan mo naman narinig yan. I smiled again.
May gumugulo ba sa isip mo? Dev asked.
wala naman. I smiled again.
Pero friend, kung ano man yan. Just take it easy ha. Don't focus on sad things. Kasi baka maka affect sa performance mo. I'm just concerned. Dev said.
Thanks, Dev. I smiled at her again.
No problem, friend. Dev replied.
So far, i'm consumed with happiness. But as always andun parin yung worries ko about sa magiging future namin ni Rhian. I'm not good in guessing her thoughts. Ayoko lang din masaktan sa huli, but with what she's showing me, she already captured all my attention and of course my heart, as well. Sana patuloy pa ako ma inspire sa kanya. She just brings out the best in me and she's so darn worth it.
