The Nonbinary Notebook

The One Where I'm Confuzzled

March 16, 2016

9:42 PM

So...tired...must...sleep...

Nah, I'll write instead.

I've got two completely different topics to discuss today so I'm not even gonna segue between them because it's hard. I'll just do bullet points or something
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

UPDATES:

•Hehe...still don't have a title for my book...I'm thinking of "Spectrum" but I don't know yet. What do you think? Also, one of the characters is going to be a sex-repulsed asexual panromantic, but I don't know if I should make this person the main character because I am not experienced with asexuality myself, and I'm afraid I might portray her inaccurately. So I have two options:

1. Make the asexual person a minor character and not describe their orientation in detail, just generically.
2. Recruit someone who is asexual and sex-repulsed to help me portray the main character's orientation accurately

Followers?

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•I am Confuzzled™. In my life, I'm not entirely sure how to tell if I'm doing something because I'm supposed to, or because I genuinely want to. For example, I'm considering getting HRT when I'm older. But do I actually want this? Or do I feel like I have to because of top surgery and because I consider myself transmasculine? I guess the real question is this: Is my transition the result of internalized gender roles and transphobia, or is it something that will genuinely make me happy? Do I feel like I have to transition because masculine people are "supposed to" have flat chests and deep voices? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. And even though it's not like I never will know, it still scares me that it's only a few more years until I'm an adult and I get to make these decisions.

Sorry, had to rant a bit on that!

Lots of love and several hugs,
~Eli