The Nonbinary Notebook

The One with the Parents

December 16, 2015

5:53 AM

I just had an entire conversation about Caitlyn Jenner with my mom, and not once did she slip up and use the wrong pronouns. And I have no doubt that if she had, she would have apologized sincerely and corrected herself. The fact that my mom is so accepting of binary trans people gives me hope that she'll accept me and all my nonbinary ways. And the fact that she's careful with a stranger's pronouns just to be respectful lets me know that she'll absolutely use mine. She's always supported me in everything, even cutting my hair. My dad texted my aunt that day when we were at the salon, "Don't let her cut her hair all butch." Exact words. He isn't as accepting.

My dad still calls Caitlyn a "he-she" and "Bruce" among other things. Once, I had a genderfluid friend put a picture on my Snapchat story and my dad watched it. He asked who it was, and I said "His name is Sky" (not really Sky btw; assume all names are changed but mine). My dad said something like "he looks like a girl, is he trans?" I answered that he was genderfluid. My dad scoffed. "When I was your age, there was gay and there was straight. There was none of this gender crap with the LGBT-LMNOP." I sat and just nodded along, my heart sinking. I tried to let my mind wander so I wouldn't cry; he would have known I was in the "LMNOP" category if I had.

So if and when I finally come out to my family, I know who'll be the one backing me up and who'll be the one insisting it's just a phase.

I'm not sure if I'll even come out to my family; I might just tell them I'm a lesbian, and they'll assume I'm butch and accept my androgyny. I hate that word though. "Lesbian." It's so dysphoric because it's not my word to use. It's for girls and women. It's a girl word. When I casually come out to somebody I usually just say "oh, I'm gay," because it's easier for them to get than "oh, I'm agender and polysexual and panromantic with a preference for genderqueer people." I usually keep all that to myself.

Remember Bob from December 1? The super awesome friend? I just came out to them over text two days ago. They know I'm nonbinary now. And the crazy thing is, after I finished typing my little speech and they finished responding, Bob told me sometimes they feel like a girl and want to wear girl clothes and be addressed as a "she". Bob was worried they were strange, but I told them they were probably genderfluid and that they were definitely not alone. So I'm using "they" for now because I haven't asked Bob's pronouns yet.

Geez, I've been writing this for like an hour...

Anyway, moral of the story is I've got a good support system even if I've also got a couple of phobic friends and family members. I'm gonna talk to Bob a little more and establish that I'm here to help them transition, if they decide to. If not I can still do their makeup.