YouTuber One-Shots

Imagine

((Pairing: any

Song: none

Genre: angst

Side-notes: Sorry, wildwolf, for saying I'd post this and then not doing it. Whoops. Also I haven't read over it a last time or anything, but I trust it's fine. Wildwolf is better at updating my own stories than I am, I swear.))

I told myself I wouldn't get my hopes up. In reality that would be impossible. I loved the rush that the excitement gave me. The warm fuzzy feeling of anticipation and excitement. It was better than anything else that I've ever felt. The hot burning bubbles that rise up in your stomach popping in your throat and filling your whole body with bouncing happiness. I let it get out of hand, ignoring all my reasonable sides for excitement and anticipation. That excitement lead to daydreaming in a happy stupor. Imagining every detail, from the smile on his face to the feeling of his hand on mine. The sweet comfort of his hugs and the amazing perfection of his laughs. It got me through days of stressful work and nights spent hugging a pillow alone in my room with tears slipping down my face wishing for human contact. When everything became too much I could just slip away into his videos, imagining me sitting next to him and laughing by his side and not thousands of miles away. His face on the screen was enough and the videos we recorded together made me happy enough but I still knew that something vital was missing. Some greater piece to our relationship. Of course I just assumed that he felt the same way, he was so onboard with our viewers shipping us so of course I assumed he was gay too, and at least slightly into me. Maybe not infatuated like I am with him but still he must have felt something for me right? I wasn't worth his interest but I can still hope. When he called me at midnight with just audio I was relieved. I had spent the past hour crying and too far into the dark parts of my mind. Of course I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. It was a horrible mistake on my part. Shaking slightly, traces of darkness still lingering in my mind like sickening cobwebs. We stayed silent for the first ten minutes, I was just taking comfort from the sound of static and him shifting every now and then. Staring at his contact picture I smile slightly at his beauty. Eventually his voice punctures the silence making me jump a little bit. He starts off with our normal greeting, explaining about his day and discussing possible recording times. Smiling I stay silent and let his voice wash over me, dusting away the final cobwebs and filling my heart with the immense joy and happiness. I slightly tune in to his words in time to hear him say the word that fills my heart with dread. Stuttering my mind halts to a stop while my thoughts spin in impossible circles. He has a girlfriend. He wants me to meet her. They've been going for a year now and he's talking about asking her to move in with him. I feel dizzy as every shred of darkness I have fills the empty places in my mind. Stunned I lean back in my chair remaining silent. Finally I speak up. "Do you love her?" I ask holding out hope that I still have a chance. "Yes" his firm and definite response crashes into my ears and sets my body on fire. Tears slowly drip down my face filling the tracks that had previously dried. Sitting still I feel his voice continue talking to me but I'm numb. I have no chance. I am useless. Pointless to the Pack and a waste of air to all of them. Curling up in my bed I sob into my pillows his voice playing in my ears and making the pain that much worse but also chased away the worst thoughts. I wish it wasn't this way but there's nothing I can do. He doesn't love me and now all I'm left with is my imagined happiness and daydreams of perfection.