YouTuber One-Shots

Hang Up (Vikklan/Veston)

((Pairing: Vikklan/Veston - you'll see
Song: None
Genre: angst
Side-notes: none))

The day that I found out Vik had started dating Preston, I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't know how to react. Should I be happy for them? Was it okay for me to be jealous? Sure, I had a slight crush on Vik, but it was nothing more. It was never enough motivation to ask him out. Even if it was, I knew I wouldn't, because in what world would I be confident enough to do that? In what world world would Vik say yes?

They never talked about how they were dating and they never talked about how much they liked or disliked the other person. The most insight we got into their relationship was that they constantly Skyped each other. I found that out quickly, seeing as neither of them ever answered my Skype messages or calls.

It almost felt like I lost my best friends because they apparently got along better than I ever did with them. Two weeks of them dating and I was already feeling left out. Surely it wasn't on purpose, right? I lived on the other side of the world and there was nothing wrong with them spending time together. Maybe it wasn't the fact that all I ever did was talk about myself, or all I could do was bitch and whine about my life, or that in reality, all my friendships were one sided as hell. Yeah, it was just because they liked to spend time with each other.

I had long since given up on talking to anyone else. Mitch and Jerome were still constantly traveling and Rob would admittedly much rather talk to Preston than me. With all the time I had to spend alone, I absorbed myself in my thoughts. It definitely wasn't good for me, but I could argue because I learned so much about myself. It was no exaggeration when I had thought that I only ever talk about myself. All I could do was get caught up over all these little problems and bitch about them. They guys were definitely sick of hearing about my made up depression. I knew that I just wanted people to feel bad for me. I couldn't do anything besides that. A few times I had admitted to wanting to kill myself and they all got freaked out, telling me I matter. I wasn't sure whether they were lying or not, but whatever the situation was, I just knew I had fucked up. They didn't need me in the way. Just a few words and I'd leave them alone. It'd be easier if they'd just get it over with.

None of my thoughts were really anything new. I had grown used to my thoughts after I first dealt with them in early high school. They were becoming a bit more extreme, but I was sure I could deal with them. Hopefully, I could keep them to myself. It hurt less when I tell myself to shut up and pull it together than when someone else does.

~

Alone was where I was meant to be. No one wanted me here. I didn't want to be here. I was okay with "Veston" for a little while, but not anymore. Preston randomly flew out to London to see Vik. Vik finally answered one of my Skype calls. They kissed. In front of me. I turned my computer off the WiFi to make it look like the call had dropped and completely broke down.

I was jealous. I was definitely jealous. I wished that I was the one kissing Vik. Despite pushing it to the back of my mind, my crush on Vik hadn't subsided. It hurt. I could feel sadness settling into my gut. Preston didn't deserve Vik. Vik could do so much better than him. Vik deserved the world, and Preston didn't have the world to offer.

What's wrong with me?

Preston deserved Vik in every way. What could I do better than Preston? Nothing. Vik seemed so happy. Preston had to be doing something right. Preston is perfect for Vik. I knew I'd only fuck things up with him. I seemed to already have done that. They weren't dumb. My internet wouldn't crash the moment they kissed.

I threw my headphones onto my desk in frustration. Fuck. Fuck it. A tear dripped onto my leg. Pathetic. I was so pathetic. I was so... selfish. All I could do was think about myself. Distressed, I angrily tugged at my hair to try to calm down. I looked up at my desk and my mechanical pencil caught my eye. It was a bad idea to reignite old habits, but I could really care less. I grabbed the pencil and laid my arm against my desk. I did my best to scratch selfish into my arm. I couldn't draw blood, but I knew it would be irritated.