Black Film | Phan (COMPLETE)

Chapter 26: Scared

Dan found me; lying on the floor, choking on tears. Without a word he picked me up, I buried my head into his warm chest as he took me back to his house.
He put me down on the sofa and knelt down in front of me.

"Why did you think I was going to hit you?" He asked me softly.
"Because that's what people do Dan..." I sniffed.
"What do you mean?" Dan gave me a confused glance and I knew I had to tell him. The counsellor had said it was my fault and to forget about it but Dan was different... He would help, talking to him would help.
"Last year, I was walking home. The walk from school wasn't far from my house - my old house that is," I clarified as we had moved not long ago for a fresh start. "This gang of teenagers came out of nowhere. They started yelling at me but soon that wasn't enough. It was my first time walking home and I happened to walk down the wrong street, I had to walk past the gang to get to the right one. They wouldn't let me pass, instead they started calling me more names. One grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall, then they started hitting me..." I closed my eyes as I remembered the pain. "I had two broken ribs, they probably would've killed me had a neighbour not scared them off." My voice was wavering and Dan leaned forward, he wiped away a fallen tear.
He stood up and began to pace, he began to clench and unclench his fists. I could tell he was angry, but not at me.
"They didn't even know you?" he asked me shocked and I nodded to confirm. "Why then? Why do that? The sick mother fuc-"
"I don't know," I replied, cutting Dan off his rage filled ranting. "Wrong place wrong time I guess. I was easy bait, I was something to get their anger out on."
"But they didn't know you..." he trailed off and looked at me, all anger seemed to be replaced with confusion." They didn't know you, they didn't care about you so why did you think I would hit you? And why were you so desperate to get away from me when I warned you about Ben?" he asked, I wasn't sure I could give him the answer he wanted. I thought he'd hit me because I was so I accustomed to that happening when people are annoyed at me. I couldn't say it to him, I didn't know if I could get the words out. So, I was avoided that question and answered his second.
"You said he'd ditch me, I was scared. It made me realise that people can leave me again, it made me think of my old friends... It made me realise thst you could so easily ditch me too. Which was why I made the first move, I couldn't deal with the pain of watching you leave," I told him. I stared intently at my thumbs as I twiddled them, Dan didn't speak so I decided to continue. I might as well tell him everything, I've already started. "My old friends didn't understand. They cared for me once, or so they led me to believe. One day at school I thought I saw a familiar face, I thought I saw the gang who had beat me. I had a panic attack, my first one, I couldn't breathe and I completely broke down. I fell to my knees right there in the corridor, everyone stared at me. My friends told me to stop acting up, to get up but I just couldn't. They called me a freak and then left." I took in a shaky breath. "When I went to apologise for the panic attack I start stuttering and my friend... he... he hit me. The abuse continued, verbally mostly, until my old group of friends were excluded."
"I'm sorry," Dan consoled.
"I was just scared. I was so scared I would lose you, that no one would want me and just see me as a freak.Them guys, the drugs, they were an escape," I finally got out, articulating my thoughts into words.
"What are you escaping from?"
"Myself," I replied simply.
"You really aren't that bad." he chuckled sadly. "I'd say you're pretty perfect."

I didn't know how to reply so I just said nothing. I looked down at the floor and felt the tears I had been trying to hold back run down my face. Dan sat down next to me and made me face him.
"Look I know I'm just one person but I, well, I love you Philip Lester and I don't want to see you like this." He looked into my eyes and smiled softly, he stroked my cheek and I leant into it.
"I love you too Dan," I whispered.
"I know."
He leaned in and we kissed, it was short but it was enough to display our affection towards each other. He grabbed hold of my hands in his and made me look into his eyes. "Please promise me you'll get away from them? From the drugs?"
"I'll try," I agreed. For Dan I would do anything, it would be hard but I knew I had to either let them go or let Dan go and I don't think I could cope with the latter.

"Never forget that you're amazing, you always have been and you always will be."