Black Film | Phan (COMPLETE)

Chapter 23: Leave

Ironically, it was Dan who cancelled the Film meet up on Saturday. He hadn't talked to me since I sat away from him at break, Ben had made me feel better about it - not with his presence but with "natural remedies" as he calls it. I did miss Dan though,  some things can't be replaced by recreational drugs and Dan was one of those things. Dan felt warmer to me than even the flames that set drugs alight, I regretted choosing Ben over him but what's done is done.

A knock on the door brought me away from my thoughts. I looked at the time, Ben was an hour early. That was unusual to say the least, Ben was a "fashionably late" kind of guy.
I opened the door and found it wasn't Ben but Dan who was stood on my doorstep.
"Are you going to invite me in?" Dan asked after a moment of me just staring at him. Instead of replying I pulled him into a hug as a wave of emotions hit me. His arms wrapped around me as I gripped onto his jacket. Quickly, I invited him inside.

"Want some OJ?" I asked, orange juice was usually Dans go to drink when there was no Pepsi in.
"I'm good," he told me awkwardly as he stood in the hall. "Let's address the elephant in the room."
"Okay..." I trailed off and gave him air to speak. Instead of talking he was looking at me expectantly, I sighed. "I'm sorry, I was way out of line."
"That you were." Dan crossed his arms.
"I should've stuck up for myself and you instead of following Ben... I've missed you." I looked at him, he shifted from one foot to the other before sighing and dropping his hands to his side.
"I've missed you too." He pulled me into another hug and we savoured this one. "You wanna come back to mine? Play some games?"
"I have to leave soon," I told him quietly. I wanted to slap myself for saying that, why can't I just be normal and hang out with my boyfriend rather than running to drugs? Was my life really so bad?
"I thought you were looking nice... not that you don't always," Dan said. I could tell he was trying to keep his cool but he facade was slipping.
"Good save," I joked back. Neither of us said anything for a while before Dan finally broke and uttered one word,
"Party?"
"Yep." My casual response made Dan bite the inside of his lip, no doubt his patience in me was running out.
"With Ben?" He spat the name out like it was made of venom.
"Who else?" I straightened out my collar just to do something other than involve myself in the conversation.
"...Don't get too comfy" Dan said in warning. I let go of my collar instantly.
"Why?"
"It's only a matter of time before they hurt you and ditch you." His eyes were soft but his words seemed vile in my ears.
"Ditch me? Do you think I'm not good enough for these people? Do you think I can't maintain a friendship group?" I questioned, closing the gap between Dan and I as anger bubbled in my stomach. I clenched and unclenched my fists, I felt like something else had taken control over me.  "Piss off, my anxiety is well better now."
"You're even talking like them!" Dan looked shocked, he ran his hand through his hair in exasperation. "Fuck Phil, I let this get too far."
He was acting like it was his fault. And maybe it was, it was his past words that had been running through my mind.
"I did this for you, because of you. You said I could change,  I did, I changed," I explained but he wasn't listening.
"Not like this, I wanted you to be happy."
"I am happy," I stated. Dan reached for me but I backed away, he didn't understand.
He just felt sorry for me now, I could see it. He wanted me to change back, I can't be that Phil again. I won't be that Phil again. "Get off me! What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"You're swearing," he pointed out.
"Wow I didn't fucking realise, apologies Captain America." I laced my voice with so much sarcasm that I didn't sound like me anymore.
"This is getting out of hand."
"You just can't deal with the fact I'm hanging out with other people," I accused.
"They aren't your friends!" He laughed but not in a funny way, he laughed out of pain. He wanted to get this through to me but he didn't get it, he was just jealous. Yeah, that's it.
"How would you know? Are you even my friend?"
"No," Dan spoke slowly. "I'm your boyfriend so don't be like this. I'm only looking out for you."
I rubbed my face roughly and yelled out,
"Just leave me alone! I don't need you."
"What?" The words shocked Dan almost as much as they had shocked me.
"You heard." I stood my ground and was amazed when my voice stayed strong.
"Are you breaking up with me?" Dan stepped away from me, his eyes watered over but he quickly blinked the tears away.
"No- I- I don't know." My voice was quiet now, barely a whisper but Dan made his reply clear and loud enough for the both of us,
"Well let me make it easy for you. Come back to me when you have some sense."
"Dan-" I called after him but he had already left.

This is what I do. This is my specialty. I always drive people away,  it was only a matter of time before he left too.