Black Film | Phan (COMPLETE)

Chapter 24: Sorry

I was at the party but I wasn't having fun. I should've stayed with Dan, gone after him. But instead I'm here.
The mixture of alcohol and drugs made my head ache, flashbacks of the past hit my hard:
I-I'm sor-sorry
Sorry? After what you put us through that just isn't good enough. You're such a freak!

I held my head in my hands and collapsed onto the floor. I wanted to apologise to Dan about everything I had ever put him through but I was scared.
"Phil?" I looked up to see Ben holding a cup out to me. "Here, this'll help."
I shook my fuzzy head. "I think I've had enough."
"One more," he encouraged and thrust it towards me.
"I said no!" I finally snapped and knocked the drink out of his hand, the liquid seeped into the carpet.
"Apologise." Bens voice was stern and cold. "I don't condone this type of behaviour in my house."
"No, I'm tired of your shit!" Ben looked at me, a mixture of shock and anger present on his face, "I've lost Dan because of all of this, everything you've gotten me into."
"Are you really blaming me? I'm not the one who shoved alcohol down your throat and puffed weed into your lungs, you did that all by yourself." Bens voice was becoming darker with each sentence. "I knew you couldn't handle the pressure. So go back to your precious boyfriend." He hauled me off the floor by my shirt and led me to the front door. I stared out into the cold night, the street lights burnt into my sensitive retinas. Ben shoved me hard and I stumbled down the patio steps.  I got off the ground and wiped myself off but he wasn't done talking. "But once you leave, never talk to any of our group again."

I thought it over for a second. Maybe Dan was right, Ben wasn't my friend he just wanted an extra person at his parties. He just wanted a chump that would do anything he said, I had been that chump.
Without saying a single word I stumbled away and, as if to make point, Ben slammed the door shut. Not that I cared, my main priority was talking to Dan. I really needed to sort things out with him, he was all that had been on my mind. Not talking for a couple days was but knowing that we may not be together anymore, that we were walking away from each other, that truly broke me.

I shoved my hands into my pockets to fight off the chilly weather and felt one stray joint in it. My last one. I stared at it for a long time. I felt my anxiety bubbling in the pit of my stomach the closer I got to Dan's house and in a moment of desperation I lit the joint.

~

"Are you high?" Dan hissed at me when I made it to his place at who knows what time in the morning.
"Noo," I replied in an over exaggerated manner.
"I can smell it on you, what the fuck?" He wrinkled up his nose whilst looking at me like I was disgusting, which I was. I could see myself in the hallway mirror and rough didn't even begin to explain how I looked; my hair was sticking up in every direction, my jacket was slipping off my shoulders, my eyes were bloodshot and the bags under my eyes were thick and dark.
"Okay I had a little, not much. I just needed something, to talk to you Danny," I tried to explain but he didn't seem to get it. I didn't expect him to, he was confident and everything I wished to be.
"I'm your boyfriend speaking to me should be easy!" He sounded annoyed but his tone was laced with worry. I wanted to talk, to explain,but my mind was already shutting down. I struggled to keep my eyes open and focused on Dan.
"I'm tired." I yawned.
"Go home then." Dan rolled his eyes at me. I was at a loss for words but one word was enough to make him unclench his jaw and change his approach of the situation,
"Dan-" it was a plead, a cry for help from the depths of my mind. In that moment Dan didn't see a drugged up boy at the foot of his doorstep, he saw a broken one instead -who needed him, now more than ever. One that appeared in the early hours of the morning because he needed his boyfriend by his side and no one else. Even with drugs flowing through me the one person I wanted was Dan, I would stand out in the cold all morning if I needed to, just so he'd know how much he meant. Somehow Dan got all of that from one small word and processed it all in seconds. He looked at my tired, worn out, body and sigh.
"Fine... sleep on the sofa." He led me into the warmth, I fell into him and he supported me until we made it to the 'bed' I would be sleeping in for tonight. He wrapped a blanket over me as we both realised I was shaking. "We'll talk in the morning."