Black Film | Phan (COMPLETE)

Chapter 25: Let's talk

I awoke for the second time that morning. The sun burnt my eyes from behind the window. It was still winter and the sun was weak but it blinded me all the same. I groggily got up and folded the blanket Dan had given me neatly on the sofa.
I then walked up to Dans room, one I had been in many times before but this time it felt different. I felt as though I was trespassing.
"Dan?" I knocked on his door, I heard a muffled 'yeah?' coming from inside and took it as a go-ahead to open the door. "Your mum left early, she told me to tell you." I can not even begin to explain how embarrassing it was to be woken up by your boyfriends mum in the state I was in (seriously, there was even drool leaking onto her pillow.) Thankfully, she's a kind woman and even offered me breakfast before she left for work. I had accepted the offer but fell asleep shortly after she'd left.
"Okay," he said. He got out of bed in just his boxers and slipped into some clothes quickly. His hair was ruffled and he had bags under his eyes. He pushed past me and walked downstairs.
"Dan... have you slept?" I asked in concern as I followed him into the kitchen. He began to make some cereal, it was odd seeing him complete his morning routine when what had happened still hung in the air.
"No."
"Will you talk to me?" I begged.
"I am."
"Properly." He sighed and banged the milk back down onto the counter top. He spun around to face me and a part of me wished I hadn't asked.
"What do you want me to say?"
"I-" I began flustered but it was a rhetorical question and Dan cut through my words.
"The femme fatale was a great choice for you. Just ironic you barely played her for coursework because you were too busy being her IRL." I looked at him for a moment, his chest was rising and falling in rapid succession.
"What are you saying? That we were doomed from the start? That everything I do leads to disaster?" I asked. That was what we had learned about the femme fatale was it not? Nothing good ever followed them in Noir... just like nothing good ever sticks around me for long. Even Dan was fading away now and look at the state I had put him in.
"I'm saying you make me upset!" He stated and barely took a breath as he carried on, "Lets go through it ay? You say you might want to break up with me and then you come here all drugged up and fall asleep on my sofa! Tell me now Phil, what the hell happened to you?"
"I don't know," I told him truthfully. I couldnt pin point the exact moment I began to spiral into the way of life I had subjected myself to. "It all happened so fast. I just wanted to fit in..."
"Fit in? You're mental! You don't need to do drugs to fit in, you had perfectly good friends!" He began to yell, hot tears threatened to spill from his eyes. "Aren't we enough? We wanted you, what do they want you for? Another body to buy and do drugs with, that's it."
"Dan-" I tried to stop him from going on because it was too much to hear the hurt and pain in his voice.
"No Phil!
"Dan please-" I tried again but he was reluctant to listen.
"Just leave!"
"But-"
"I said leave!" He moved his arms in anger, I flinched as I expected him to hit me. I closed my eyes shut to block out any pain, but none came. I opened my eyes. Dan looked shocked, he looked down at his outstretched hand and quickly dropped it. "Phil I wasn't-I wouldn't- I'm-"
I didn't hear the last bit of his sentence because I ran, I ran so fast I could hardly breath. I opened the front door. My body hit the cold air so hard I thought it would cut through me. I heard Dan yell something from the house but I didn't stop. I didn't knw where I was going but I just had to leave. I didn't go home, my mum was in and I didn't want her to see me, see both Dan and I, in this state. I dropped to the floor, my legs finally gave in. But I had to keep moving, I picked myself up from the ground. I wasn't just running away from my present and future, I was running away from my past.

I felt the sting even though Dan hadn't touched me, I felt the familiar heat like pain running up my cheek, the suffocating feeling in my guts. Scars from the past began to form on my skin. With every beat of my feet on the concrete the pain seemed to consume me like Dan had hit me, but he hadn't. Someone else had. A long time ago.

AN: next update will be later on this evening :) we're getting close to the end now!