Even after 3 moths from our wedding, i still feel like it was yesterday. In these 3 moths, Haymitch proposed to Effie. Peeta and I were really surprised, cause we thought they would take it slow, but the faster, the better.
We had a 1 month honeymoon where we went to the Districts trip. It was pleasant and interesting and we visited everyone we knew. Panem became so much beautiful after war, everything started to grow again from the ashes. And the best part is, everyone is safe and happy. They are not dreading of the one particular day of the year, or nasty peacekeepers who may kill them if they'd make mistakes. Everything is peaceful and seeing it with my own eyes, makes me very pleased.
When we visited Annie, i was watching Peeta playing with her son, he was out of this world, this little cutie was all he was seeing in this moment. Peeta was so cute to him, playing with him, talking to him, cuddling him... i could not take my eyes off of them. I know how much he wants to have his own child, but i am afraid to do it.
Now, we are sitting in the meadow, we brought some food and we are cuddling, warm sun dancing on our skins. Peeta rests his head on my shoulder, i feel his breath on my ear.
"Katniss..." he whispers, "I want to..." he hesitates.
"What, Peeta?" i ask, already knowing what he wants.
"I want you to have my baby, I want to become a father, i want our little family to become bigger, i want to hold my little baby in my arms, knowing you gave birth to this happiness." My heart aches from his words. How can i say no when this is his biggest wish on the universe? I want to have a child too, but i am scared and i am afraid. I still feel like all of this is just a sweet dream and one day i will wake up back in the games or somewhere terrible. I am afraid that i won't be able to protect our baby, i am afraid something terrible may happen and i won't be able to endure the pain.
"Peeta... i know how much you love children, but..." i swallow hard "I think it's too soon. I mean... God, i am afraid Peeta, i am not even sure i will be a good mother. I am afraid i won't be able to protect my child. It's just... i still need a time..."
"Katniss, listen. You will be the greatest mom ever, i am sure. Don't be so uncertain, you are amazing and our children will be the luckiest babies in the world, because you will be their mother. And please, don't be afraid, there's nothing to be afraid of. You saw with your own eyes how everything changed in Panem, there's only peace now."
I smile and hug him, grateful for his words. Peeta gives me strength and the joy of life. He gives me everything he has and i must do everything to give him what he wants so much. I will think about the baby, because i know how much it will make him happy. But, is he right? Will I be a good mother? The one Peeta's child deserves? How will i be able to make my baby understend why i have breakdowns and why Peeta clutches the back of the chair so hard and loses himself sometimes? But maby the baby will help him go through this hard time. I don't know, i will think about it and decide what will be better for me and for him too.
"I will think about it, Peeta." I tell him and he beams, kissing me passionately.
Hello everyone, thank you for so many reads! I am so sorry for not updating sooner, i had really hard time. I had a car accident, thank God no one died, but i got really serious injuries. I am okay now and i will try to update more often. Love you all <3