Chapter 4

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I am lying to my bed with opened eyes, i can't sleep and i know i won't sleep tonight because i feel like i won't handle another nightmare without him. I turn my head to the window to see that the lights in Peeta's house are on. I wonder why he is not sleeping, it's already 2:40 am.

I am still trying not to think about him, but i can't. Why did he leave me so soon?

My thoughts are suddenly stopped by the voice from outside, i think it's coming from his house. I stand up and look out the window, trying to see something. i see nothing, but i hear something breaks and then i hear his screaming. My heart breaks into million pieces.

I know it's probably suicide, but i still do it. I put some clothes on and go to his house. The air is so fresh and cool outside, I am already to his doorstep when I think to go back, but the noises are much louder and i just can't wait and swing the door open, without even knocking.

I see him. No, i see Capitol's Peeta. Not mine. I see the anger and frustration and confusion and something more on his face. Practically everything is broken in the room and when he looks at me, every piece of my brain is begging me to run and hide somewhere, but i don't do it. I just start walking toward him. i try to stay calm, but i feel my heart beating so fast, it may break my chest and run out.

"Peeta it's me, calm down" i say as i touch his face with my hand. He does not move. I see in his eyes, how he is trying to fight the flashbacks. I place my hands on his neck and hug him. His body is shaking, he is trying not to choke me or hug me, i don't know which. I stay like this for several minutes, finally he hugs me back and whispers into my ear "I am so sorry Katniss." he is crying. i hear it in his voice. And i hug him even tighter.

I pull back "It's okay Peeta. Good night" i say as i head to the front door, but i feel his hand on my arm, stopping me.
"Sorry for leaving you today so soon, i just knew another flashback was coming and i did not want to hurt you." he inhales a deep breath and continues "I want to feel you next to me, so i won't freak out and have another flashback and hurt you. I just want you to be here, by my side. Will you stay with me?"

I am so shocked and so happy by his words. I smile and nod "Yeah". We go to his bedroom and lie to the bed, my head is resting on his chest and i can hear his heart beat. i feel safe.

And that's now me who is saying "Always"


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