12am Thoughts

Sa'yo pa rin

R:
Thanks love. i love you too! see you.

Napaka sweet namin sa isa't isa lalo na ngayon. I just keep on smiling whenever she's calling or sending me a message.

11: 00 AM

G. ulitin nalang natin yung voice track nung bridge, parang may kulang kasi. Josh said.

Ok cge. I tried reviewing the bridge ng song then start singing in front of a mic condenser.

Okay. sige let's do it again. Then Josh started playing the bridge part.

12: 00 PM

We're done recording. i'm now packing up my guitar. Napagod din ako, I wanted to take some rest. While My song is playing on the background.

Pinapakinggan ko yung lyrics ng song ko na to'.. and alot of things came into my head. Kung iisipin ko, hindi madali ang mga ganitong decision. Minsan, nadadala ako ng mga worries ko, kasi gusto ko dun ako sa isang bagay na hindi magiging complikado sa huli. Pero heto ako, seems like I want taking this risk. Pero hanggang kailan. At pano. I guess, siya pa rin' ang reason bakit mas nagiging masaya at exciting ang buhay ko ngayon."

R:

After calling my love, I immediately picked up my headset & listened to my spotify playlist. "cool for the summer is now playing."

So here I am now sitting in front of a huge mirror, with all these set of expensive make ups & dresses. Waiting for my stylist for the photo shoot. Opened my twitter, IG and checked some stuff on FB. Well, of course saw my love's new IG post while she's in a studio. damn! I love her. Very talented kasi yung love ko. So, i'm taking a new selfie of myself too... hehe!
I'm sure my day will be busy going to events, partying, magazine shoots & all whatelse? racing? well, yeah. Not forget to mention my singing lessons. Now i like this song, habits (stay high)...

12:30 PM

Rhian. try to lift your head little bit.
ok. that's good! .... alright, beautiful!
So let's take a 15min break before doing the last shots.

I had a set of meal prepared for my lunch. I'm still on my make up but I did change my clothes. When I heard a voice calling my name..

hey. babe. he smiled with flowers on his hand.

J..... I was really surprised.

I'm sorry 'bout last night... flowers? he smiled and gave it to me.

All I can do was to smile back at him pero parang napipilitan lang ako. I don't know kasi how will i respond to him.

And then suddenly He embraced me tight.

I really don't know what's going on with you lately. Pero whenever I see you, nawawala yung ibang worries ko. I want you Rhian. I love you."

He was embracing me tight at this very moment pero hindi ko alam why I can't respond. Parang napipigilan ako magsabi ng kung ano man. But he just continued, embracing me. And unexpectedly, I heard G's song playin' in the background. Usually ganon' naman sa mga photo shoots ko, there's music but this time it's quite odd hearing G's song while my boyfriend is embracing me. I don't know if I will feel guilty for not being honest to him.

My respect and love for J is already there right from the start. He became a good friend to me, He is such a nice guy. Who has so much respect on Me. I'm really thankful. I find it difficult to break his heart. I'm also clouded by all his kindness.

But naisip ko is there any possibility that somewhere along the way, I would fall in love with someone else?

How could she just make me fall for her just like that? I thought maybe I won't find any love with someone else not until she came. And now my heart is divided into two, and she is by far getting the biggest half of it. Somethings changed. And there she is going silently inside my heart. Is she my soulmate?

I had to let go of his embrace... And
I said.... I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry babe.

babe, I can't understand bakit palagi ka nag ssorry ngayon? ... He curiously asked.

Kasi it felt like I was being unfair to you. Or siguro i'm just not being myself right now.

Ugh.. i'm hungry na, can I eat my lunch?  So I changed the topic.

Oh, okay babe. Basta just please stop saying sorry all the time. He went on to embrace me again.

Ohh... Okay babe. I answered back.

I started taking my meal and I ate na parang wala sa sarili, while he is so excited in telling me things about some racing cars na tinest niya yesterday.