puberty | hiatus

t w e l v e.

the next day was sunday, and i walk into church with a black eye, my head down.

but i'm grinning.

i beat him, for cai and i.

nate's coming with us too this morning, because he claims that he needs to protect me. i'm just glad he's here because i missed having him around.

crap, now i sound all sappy and shizz.

oh well. we get to our family's pew with just nate, tyler, cai and i, because my mom won't be home from a work trip for at least another week.

when nate will leave for college.

i shake the thought away and stand up and sing hymns next to nate, who stands timidly next to me, looking scared out of his mind.

i laugh softly and slip an arm around his waist. "relax, have fun. it's church, and not a stiff one at that. let out your anger and believe in something bigger than yourself." i say without realizing how deep it sounds.

nate looks like he almost wants to tease me, but i give him a warning look and he turns back to the song book, draping an arm around my shoulders in return.

after the song ends, we all sit down, and i am almost reminded of what it would be like to have an actual family again.

my father died when i was young, because of a terminal illness, so i never really had a father figure. my mother was his nurse, and he was sick when they met. she married him, had cai, he began to get worse, and was sent away to a special hospital for several months.

my mother was pregnant when he left, and when he came back, he had one more daughter. but his daughters didn't have a dad anymore.

we had the funeral at this church, and so my mother insists that we keep going, because it was my father's church and she loves it.

i suppose i love it too, it has dark wood walls and red velvety pew cushions, the chandliers of lightbulbs instead of candles are burning above the congregation's heads as it gently touches each one of us.

the people here aren't as judge mental either, and they'll talk for hours after the service, sipping hot soup in the winter and eating kraft mac and cheese in the summer that one of the soccer moms made in a crockpot to feed all of the kids.

the pastor calmly greets us, and i snap out of it and sit down along with nate, cai, and tyler.

he begins his message, and although tyler is scribbling on the bulletin, cai is picking at her nails, and nate looks really confused, it doesn't matter because we are all here together, safe.

a half an hour later, the service ends and we walk out, people still staring after us but i don't care.

what does it matter? God knows what happened, i don't have to explain what happened to all of my neighbors.

tyler looks up at me and pouts. "what is it, buddy?" i ask, worried he might be upset about mom not being here.

he just smiles and lifts his arms, making my heart melt.

"ice cream, anyone?" nate asks, grabbing my hand and pointing straight ahead.

i smile. thank you, i mouth to him and he squeezes gently.

as soon as we get to the ice cream parlor, tyler orders a large brownie sundae with extra whipped cream and basically every other topping on the menu for him and nate to share.

cai orders a vanilla sugar cone, and i order mint chocolate chip.

we sit down at one of the outside small tables with benches attached, and everyone tries everyone else's treat, laughing as they mess up the other's hair.

tyler shrieks as nate takes too much of the hot fudge, and flings a spoonful of whipped cream at him.

it hits him directly in the nose, and slowly slides down his face as he turns to tyler dangerously.

and so ice cream parlor fights commence outside in march. on a sunday.

but i think God likes those best because He loves us, and wants to see us happy. so He gives us happy days sometimes.

but there will always be hard days, and thank goodness that today isn't one.