puberty | hiatus

e i g h t.

lucia

i shake my head as jack drives away from my house.

nate shouldn't have done that, i think.

but doesn't it feel good to have someone sticking up for you again? my mind prods.

shut up. i close my eyes and attempt to enjoy the peaceful silence in the car before jack erupts.

i love him..i think. he'd never purposely hurt me. right?

crap, i sound like those girls in the woman-protection-shelter-thingys.

just SHUT UP AND STOP THINKING. i internally yell at myself, rubbing my temples at the pounding headache that appears.

ugh.

jack continues to drive fast down the highway, his jaw clenched.

i used to think that was hot, until the bruises started to form.

small things, like breaking a lamp, or not making pasta exactly the way he likes it. or not making the bed when he forces me to spend the night.

but i'm a virgin. i refuse to do anything with him. i believe that that's right, at least.

i remember the first time it happened. he was watching the superbowl, and i was bringing him and his friends more chips and i tripped over one guy's foot.

the chips got everywhere. he got angry, and grabbed me by my arm and punched me. right there, in front of everyone.

they all laughed.

one guy asked if he was afraid i'd leave him, and he sneered and said i was too much of a coward to.

i close my eyes and a hot tear runs down my face, burning my skin.

he's right.

i send a quiet prayer of help up before i turn to jack.

--

we go out to a nice-ish dinner, which he splits the bill with me, making me take the bigger portion.

but that's okay, i guess. what i'm really worried about is his quietness. he hasn't spoken to me all night, and usually that means a big fight is brewing.

hopefully i can avoid it this time, or at least make sure we are in public so he won't get physical.

don't get me wrong, he only hits me when he is extremely riled up. he loves me, and would never be one of those boyfriends.

i swallow hard as i look at him, his hard, clenched jaw and narrowed eyes staring at me as i pick at my salad.

"you ready?" he asks gruffly, and i nod, and he throws a couple bills on the table, as do i, before we go to his ex's house for a party.

i really hate this...