Somewhere, Someday

•In My Veins•

•Oh and I can not get you out. •

He regrets breaking up with her through no words, empty explanations. Three years of love, laughter, and passion between them could never be replaced. Through alcohol and sex, he figured he could get through it. But it didn't stop the thoughts in the back of his mind.

She was the last real thing he's ever known, the last real consistent beat in his life. Being practically on the road for five years, he barely got to see her. But when he did, it was purely, fucking magical. No adrenaline rush from playing endless shows could equal up to the way his heart picked up speed when he saw her.

She was at their show in New York, he remembers when she fell in a crowd, practically breaking her nose. She refused liking him or the bands music, but she admitted that she was present for a friend. That was all he needed to persuade her, just the thought of seeing her again made him jump like a little kid.

It was shocking when she had said yes to his offer, a walk in the park, with all the lights twinkling on the trees. Her smile could've made anybody captive for her, he just so happens to be the lucky prisoner. He was loved by many girls, living the life people dream of. But was it really all it turned out to be?

Now it was all empty stadiums without her there, and it was all empty lyrics now that his muse has flown away. Maybe she made him feel empty after he gave her a handful of empty promises. Maybe she didn't mean to hurt him back at all.

The new year was approaching them both. He thought he could forget her by 2016, but he didn't realize that it could've been 2050 and he'd still remember her. He hopes she'll remember him, but then again he hopes she'll move on.

The way he broke her heart was an unexplainable, painful act. He changed his number, his boss had told him too. She tried calling, but didn't realize no one would ever answer again. Soon enough she realized, he wasn't coming back and she shouldn't try anymore.

He fell for a small town girl, was in her sophomore year of college, just on the brink of 19. Her sarcastic humor and never ending smile made him cave in. He'd fall in love with a completely normal person, he'd have all his dreams come true just to be shattered.

Tonight, on December 31st, 2015, he's surrounded by multiple people on their floating castle, but his worst hell. He missed her and no model would change that, no women in the world could change that.

He's drowned his sorrows in alcohol, allowed to use the drunk excuse on New Year's Eve. Shot after shot, he tried to numb the pain, the pain of hurting her and blaming himself all at once.

Isolation from the party didn't help, it only made him think of her more. The New Years they had spent together, dancing and speaking of secrets until sunup. He had died for sleep those nights, but now he'd dream to never sleep again.

Bloody knuckles from punching through mirrors proved to provide the physical pain but didn't rid of the mental pain he had been suffering. He had fallen to tear stained eyes, and pulling his hair out. He never thought one girl could cause this much distress, but he never knew what love was before her. He'll never know how to love without her.

He'd miss the sleepless nights, tangled up in the sheets, just listening to her voice. She used to calm him down when dark nightmares struck, but he used to hold her tight when he was scared of letting go. He'd never thought he'd push her away, she was his gift from God.

He sits in his room, floating through the waters, hoping to fall asleep soon. His face in his hands, distressed, ready to just give the gig all up. It was ripping his mind apart from the inside out, making him lose his mind slowly.