Falling For The Bad Boy

Chapter Forty Five.

I glanced at him awkwardly when we sat back on the couch again. His expressions looked tensed and hurt from where I saw. I tried to change the TV channel but failed as the remote was too far away.

"Why?" He softly asked, suddenly looking at me.

I sighed and looked down, before looking in his eyes again.
"Because... I don't think we should repeat the benefits thing again. I can't risk our friendship again, Zayd.." I bit my lip and shook my head, explaining it to him.

"Who said this was a benefits thing? I actually feel something for you, June." My heart literally skipped a beat and then started pounding frantically in my chest when he said that. I all of a sudden felt nervous under his gaze.

"You feel..." It came out as a question from my mouth. "What do you feel about me, Zayd?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"I-I don't know right now...but I know it means something. I'll figure out soon." He replied, panicking.

I was again disappointed and my heart fell.

"Well, answer me when you're done figuring out. I can't hurt myself again and again. I'm actually being selfish today, and I'm loving it." I sat straight and answered, determined to shield myself from the pain.

"Fine, but remember I'm always here for you!" He stood up saying this and tried to walk away but I stood up too and held his arm.

"Always here for me? Seriously? Where were you at 2 am when I was stuck at crying myself to sleep? Where were you when I needed my best friend? Where were you when you were the only person I wanted to talk to? Where were you when I wanted support? Yeah right! You weren't there," my shoulders slumped downwards as I exclaimed this. It came out with extreme bitterness and for a moment I thought I'd hurt him badly with my words. But I was saying the truth, wasn't I?
It was bitter, yes! But also THE TRUTH.

And add to it, I was angry as hell.
When I checked on him, he was standing there with a horrified look on his face. It looked as if he would cry anytime now. I saw his eyes filling with water. He looked up at the ceiling so that the tears won't fall. I tried walking towards him because whatever hell it was, I couldn't bear this scene in front of me. He was my weakness. And I couldn't see him weak.

"I don't know where I didn't explain myself enough. I guess it's true...what James said. He said I've lost you, already. He said I don't deserve you, ever." He looked at me with a hopeless face and said. His face made my body freeze. I felt like thousands of cold water buckets were thrown onto me.

"Yes, you deserve better, June. I'm not good enough for you... I'm sorry." He pressed his lips in a thin line and said.

Then before I could say something else, he left the room. I heard the front door getting closed and realized he was gone.

He was gone....

____________________________________

***Zayd's POV***

I drove my car away from her house. With the rearview mirror, I saw her running out of the front gate and shouting out my name. Her shoulders even shook with her cries but I looked away. It killed me to look away, but I had to. Because I didn't have the guts to go in front of her again. I have never felt so empty inside. I've never felt so bad about myself.

But yet, it was the truth. I didn't deserve that girl. She forgave me after what I did to her, after what I made her suffer.

James' words echoed in my head while I took a turn towards right to head home. Home.... That wasn't home, I left my home back there.
But James' words kept telling me I was wrong. He met me yesterday at the bar me and Penn visited. His words made me furious and I didn't believe a word. But now I guess he was right.
I could practically see him in front of my eyes with that proud smirk on his face saying "I told you".