My Mate's Suicide Note

ch 2

           

Notes 30 of 295

Dear Mate,

You know I used to mock cut my arms with my nails because I don't want to cause commotion with the people that took me. I think of how easy it would be to break open a razor and grab a blade and cut slices into my arms.

But then again that would be the first place to look uh...so maybe my stomach or my back or inner arm...but I can't bring myself to do it...I remember the pictures I seen on the internet and how ugly that looks...but when I was scraping my arms with my finger nails...not deep enough to leave marks...it was a different feeling....a feeling of relief.

But when I saw what I've done to myself I called them beautiful and fell asleep. Funny right? I guess not...not to you. Don't worry no harm has come to me...just the mocking of cuts made by my nails are placed upon my skin...why do I tell u this?

I don't know. You've become my diary I hope you don't mind. I just want to forget. To forget everything before you. Forget all my pain. To be numb...but I'll place my mask of happiness upon my face and will wait for you to come and get me. To turn my raining days to sunshine.

Mate please come find me soon. I'm afraid I will break soon.

Love, Athena

I look down at the letter and see where her tears hit the page, crying waiting for me to save her. But I was too late I could never save her, too be her knight and shining armor. If only I could go back in time and correct my mistakes.

I places the letter down onto the stack I have pilled next to my desk. I give up in trying to read them in order there is too many of them. I can't believe I missed it all the signs and the opportunities.

I heard a knock on my door. "Come in." The door slowly opens. "Alpha? Do you need something you've been up here for days with no food or water? The pack is falling apart."

"No John I'm fine I give you ownership of the pack until I fully recover you've been a great beta your strong you will lead the pack in my time of grief."

He bowed "yes Alpha." He then closed the door. I got up from my desk and walked to my bed and laid down.

I have countless more to read but that can wait till the morning.

The letters covers my bed and the floor some open some closed. I grab ten more letters and read them before I fell to sleep with tears in my eyes.