A Devil For Me (Andy Biersack and Kellin Quinn)

11. Wretched and Divine

I cautiously opened the door to the back room of the tour bus, the guys told me Kellin was tearing himself up about this in there. I widened my eyes in horror as I saw an unrecognisable Kellin laying completely still. His eyes had no emotion and were red and purple. He didnt look at me for a few minutes, and I just stood there in silence staring at him. Finally, he turned and looked me dead in the eyes and my heart simply sank. Right now, Kellin needed me. I couldn't do this to him at this time. Though I knew I'd regret it later, I say down next to him and just held him.

"Kellin, there's no reason to be so upset. Nothing has changed between us," my voice cut through the silence like a jagged knife.

"You don't get it Scarlett, I know I've told you all about my ex, but I really thought she was the one. When she cheated on me I thought I would never get over it. I know you wouldn't do that to me, but seeing another guy kiss you just tore my heart out because it reminds me of that pain before," He said shaking his head and looking down. "I've never felt anything worse than that." He continued and broke down crying.

Words could not describe the frustration I felt pulsing through my body. I hated myself for doing this to such a sweetheart. All the times he told me about her, about how he couldn't function after she left him. How could I be the person to put him through that again. I didn't know how to reply. I couldn't tell him I'd never leave, I couldn't tell him I'd never cheat, I couldn't tell him how that girl was a horrible person for doing that.

I simply told him everything would be okay in the end, and to focus on his music and the positive things he has in his life. He nodded and tried his best to force a smile. For that I pecked him and got him to get out and enjoy the outside world for the night.

The next day when we were out to breakfast, Kellin surprised me with a little black box with a blue ribbon & bow. "I'm sure your mom misses talking to you," he said as he handed it to me. I tore it open to find an iPhone 5. YES! It had been so hard living life phone-less. I hugged him and kissed him and jumped around excitedly as we got it set up, filling up my new camera roll with silly pictures of us and random things. And now I could finally text Andy! This was seriously a great moment. Until I remembered what happened yesterday, Kellin won't let me out of his sight now I'm sure of it.

We traveled a few hours to the next venue, it wasn't too far. Once again, the guys killed their set. And I was the perfect proud girlfriend dancing by myself side stage and making stupid faces at Kellin whenever he looked over. I really wish we could be best friends. I mean we are now, but just best friends nothing more. Even though I knew I was going to be with Andy at some point, I really would miss these times with Kel. All the times.

I remembered when we first met at one of his concerts, my friend's dad owned the park where it was held, and we had backstage passes. I distinctly recall the first time I saw him (in person). He was wearing a black anthem tee and black jeans with blue toms. He was busy talking to a bunch of sound people, hooking mics up to him. That's when he looked up at me, and we made eye contact and both smiled. And the rest is history!

I reminisced on all the trips we went on, all the concerts I've sat side stage at, meeting each others' parents, all of our firsts, fights, make ups, everything. Its crazy how the whole 9 months we've been together could go through my head in a matter of minutes, while blankly watching Kellin jump around on stage.

It was a beautiful union, us two. And I was about to throw it all away. It was a risk, I had no idea what I was walking into with Andy, but I knew exactly what I was leaving. A scary unsure feeling, but it was exciting at the same time. Then I realised the last time I talked to Andy I said I was telling Kellin.. Sigh. I'm always disappointing someone.

I had to tell him what happened, but I didn't have his number. I told the stage managers I was heading to the bathroom fast, and sprinted to the BVB bus. No one was there, so I quickly scribbled my number on a post it and wrote "got a new phone-Scarlett." And then dashed out. I made it back in reasonable bathroom time, though I looked like I had a really rough time in there, panting and sweating. I received a few questioning and grossed out looks but I waved them off and returned to my spot awaiting a text from my love.

Out in the distance I spotted him, surrounded by cameras and people shoving microphones in his face. He looked pissed off, and then he yelled at one reporter and pushed his microphone out of the way and trudged away. Could they be questioning him about yesterday already?! Oh my god....