+ Positively Negative - | Freddie & Joey

18. Freddie + The Beginning of the End [Part One]

IT HAS BEEN TOO RUDDY LONG! TOO LONG!

And I am deeply sorry.. But the last couple of weeks of school were like a complete panic, and it finished on Friday! So I should have time to write now.. Or that's the plan anyway! Hopefully going to see Harry Potter on Wednesday with a friend.. What should I expect? Who's seen it? I've only watch three or four of the movies -no, wait, this'll be my fourth- so yeah.. I'm not a hardcore fan or anything xD

Anyway, why was I telling you that?

I HAVE BEEN NOMINATED FOR THE BOYXBOY AWARDS! YES! WHAT AN IMENSELY CHEESY SURPRISE! :'D  I sooo feel like making a thank you speech ("And I have to thank my friends and family, my laptop, oh, I could never have done it with that piece of broken machinery!" *Tears) ..

Anyhow, read on.

>>>WARNING: No joke. This chapter sucks. My writing is getting worse and worse and worse. And worse. Forgive me?

Chapter Eighteen

The Beginning of the End

Freddie +

Was I happy?

Because I shouldn't have been. I shouldn't have been able to smile. And why was my head suddenly completely filled with thoughts of Joey when I had so many other things to think about? When there was shit going on with my dad? When there was shit going on with Sherry? When my life was falling the fuck apart because some guy that I was totally in love with suddenly came along after two and a half years…? Yet even that I was starting to doubt; being in love with Dmitry.

No. No way. I was in love with Dmitry. I couldn't deny it. How I felt when I saw him that Friday night, how I felt when he told me all those things, the memories of our past and the shit that happened to him when we separated. I was in love with him.

But Joey made me forget that. Joey made me feel better, because the love I felt for Dmitry was also so connected to pain that there was this constant ache surrounding me whenever I thought about him… Whenever I held him, and I did not even realise until I'd experienced how in love I could be with Joey without all that pain.

I kicked at a stone; maybe I was reading it wrong?

After what Finn said I'd checked my messages. For a moment I felt as if my heart was breaking. Messages and messages of "Are you okay?"s and "I'm sorry"s seemed to twist something in me. When had Joey and I become so close? When had I started wanting to take him in my arms and hug him? And when had I wanted to lean on him? When had I wanted to see him smile, so that I could smile?

When had 'we' begun?

And despite the not knowing the answer, I didn't want us to end.

+

I stood in front of my front door, unwilling to open it, but deciding not to give it much thought I did it anyway. The high I’d been floating on while I was with Joey had slowly been seeping away from me the nearer I got home, and now I was suddenly back on rock bottom.

Again I wondered when Joey had become so important to me.

As I shut the door behind me, I heard movement so I turned to see Mia struggling through the kitchen door with some intricately designed china tea cups, a tea pot and a couple of tea spoons.

'Hey! Mia!' I rushed up to her and took the tray ffrom her hands to help her out. She looked up at me with surprise.

'Freddie! I- everyone- is wondering where you are!'