18. Freddie + The Beginning of the End [Part Three]

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Rightio-ho, I am aware you all want to beat me with bamboo sticks, but, just think; what will the panda bears eat then? 

I do have a reason! But as usual it's the stupid four letter word; busy (not f-ck, rude people). Spent the whole of Tuesday tidying my house then had a party in the evening with some of my mum's friends and I had to perform 'Zombie' by The Cranberries with just my voice and my guitar. Was not good. I was shaking! I haven't performed in front of anyone but my sister and my brother for over two years (not since I attempted to sing in front of my school in my pyjamas. Yeah, for real. Someone elses nightmare was my ruddy reality. Basically I choked up and ran off crying.) But I managed to do it! Which is always good. And they said I was good, but, no.

Also, admittedly, Tumblr took over my life for a lil bit, but I also had a crazy case of writers block. Not to mention seeing some friends of mine- and you know that guy I met on the bus? Weeeell, yeah. 'Nuff said. (HE HAS A BAND. Okay. Now; nuff said.)

Oh, you want to read? Well, why didn't you say!? 

Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Video: Prayers For Bobby trailer-- You must watch the trailer (except it's longer than the trailer) even if you don't watch the film! I was in BUCKETS of tears for half an hour after words! Seriously, you have no idea ; - ; it's so touching... <3


Chapter Eighteen

The Beginning of the End Part Three 

Freddie +

As Lou clicked on the 'Play' button we all relaxed and watched my laptop screen. She and Cath had a practically already eaten all their ice cream so they began painting my fingernails- much to my chagrin. I did protest, but as usual their pleading eyes were followed by a heavy sigh from my mouth, and I secretly liked the relaxing feeling that came with my sisters chatting softly to each other anyway, as they stroked the nail polish brush gently across my fingernails leaving a vibrant red colour on my right hand and a purple on my left, this time- purple was Cath's favourite colour, and Lou said she was feeling passionate.

I felt like royalty as my sisters took it in turns to feed me ice cream. They alternated between watching the film and focusing on my nails. I felt pretty silly and wanted to let out a girlish giggle, remembering how I'd so often been called a "Queen" before as an insult to my sexuality, and I was then feeling just like one.

For the briefest of moments, as the movie continued, I hated Lou. "Prayers for Bobby" turned out to be about homosexuality... Which was obviously the last thing I wanted to think about just then. I guess I kinda forgot how annoyed I was supposed to be with her as I got more and more into the movie. It was about a religious woman, Mary Griffith, who finds out that her son is gay. She believes that his 'condition' can be healed by God and refuses to accept him as gay, despite the rest of his family slowly coming to terms with it. Bobby eventually can't take the fact that she doesn't accept him and kills himself, and the film goes on to show how Mary and her family deal with it.

I found the words that Bobby said, the words that his mother said, running through me my head constantly.

When the film finished we didn’t move for a while, aside from our shaking shoulders as we continued to heave sobs at the scrolling credits and mumble incoherent words at both my laptop screen and each other.

I, being the lucky piggy in the middle, had wet shoulders from where my sisters had laid their heads and let their tears flow free. I was rubbing half-heartedly at a sticky path on my chin where Lou kept attempting to shovel ice cream into my mouth while watching the film and had eventually missed so many times that I’d forbidden her from feeding me anymore.

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