Inevitable Withdrawal - cash au-

Best of Me

Lily Ann Dallas-Grier and Adrian Hamilton Dallas-Grier own me now. They command my complete attention when they are awake and they're a handful. Lily definitely has the domineering personality of her father along with his bright blue eyes. Adrian is more calm and it's cliche but they're exact opposites of each other. Lily has bright blue eyes with dark hair while Adrian has blonde hair with dark brown eyes. I love them both so much and the two of them with Nash make up my entire world.

The twins are 8 months old now and it's been a whirlwind figuring out how to do this father stuff. When Nash donated his sperm I didn't care what sex our baby was, I just wanted him or her to be healthy. It was shocking when they told us that we were having twins, they don't run in Nash's family so I suppose they do in the surrogate's family. Having twins was something we hadn't considered and it threw me into panic mode as I began to redesign our nursery to include in our second baby. I wanted everything to be perfect for our babies.

Watching them be born was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I couldn't wait to hold them, Nash and I fell in love right away with our babies. My hand shook as I signed their paperwork and I trembled when they handed me Lily for the first time. She was so small and I was scared of hurting her, it was the same with Adrian when we switched off.

Nash and I were on the same boat, we didn't want anyone else raising our babies so I officially resigned from my position and trained Matthew to replace me. He was eager to learn and modeled the way I did things very well.

Nash didn't adjust too well to not having me there, he had daily meltdowns and Matt would call me multiple times a day because he didn't know how to deal with Nash's demanding personality. When I was there I prevented a lot of meltdowns so Matthew didn't know how Nash was before I became his assistant. Well now he knows, it's kind of funny to listen to Matthew panic because he's scared of Nash.

Things are better now but Matthew wanted to quit a few times in the beginning. I'm glad he held out because he's been a really good assistant for my demanding husband.

It's early morning and Nash is sleeping beside me, I usually get up at night with the twins when he has to go into work. The twins sleep through the night most of the time but there are days when they're fussy because they're teething.

Nash's alarm is about to go off so I sit up a stretch some before I get out of bed and pull on my boxers. I'm a little sore from last night but it's the best kind of sore, it's the kind that reminds me that I have an absolutely amazing husband who craves me just like I crave him.

I peek in the nursery, the babies are still sleeping so I close the door quietly before I head to the kitchen and begin to cook breakfast for Nash.

A stay at home dad. I never imagined that I would end up here but now that I've arrived, I have to say I love my life and I wouldn't do anything differently. This kind of life is not for everyone and it's certainly not one I envisioned when I was working hard in college to obtain my dual degree in Psychology and Political Science.

Nash changed the path of my life completely and I don't regret a single moment of it.

I have a family, I am in love and I am happy. What more could I want?

There is one thing that weighs on my mind a bit. We haven't told my family that we are married and have children. They don't even know I'm in a relationship. Nash's reelection is behind us and he doesn't intend to run again. If news of our relationship gets out, the fallout wouldn't necessarily hurt us. Nash has always been adamant about the fact that he wouldn't care if his political career was damaged if it got out that he is gay and is married to a man.

I do want my family to meet my children but I struggle with actually taking the first step in telling my mom. I know she's going to be hurt that I kept it from her for so long, especially when she hears that she's a grandmother and she's missed almost a year of her grandchildren's life.