After An Apple's Death

XXVI. The Confession & The Surprise

I woke up, and immediately, I knew something was strange, and something would change today. 'I knew'...not really. I did know, but it seemed like bird's crap to me. How would I know what would happen today? I was crazy, but not crazy enough for that.

I saw Leppa rolling over to face me. If this was a story I would be telling in the future, I'd say that his eyes were still clouded over with sleep. But this wasn't a story to tell: it was the present, and I had to acknowledge that his eyes were fully awake, a little tired with shadows under them. I wondered if he had slept at all.

"Morning," I said and yawned.

"Morning," he answered without a yawn. He really looked like it was midday and he had been awake for at least six hours.

"Did you sleep at all?" He looked at me confusedly, so I added: "Last night I mean."

"No— I mean yes! But no, yes!" I stared at him, somehow doubting that he had slept at all; he looked exhausted but awake at the same time.

"Are you sure?" I asked and winked, meaning it as a joke; I expected Leppa to laugh and say 'no I haven't, sorry'. The complete opposite happened. Leppa flushed and bit his lip, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Yeah," he mumbled out. "Sorry."

"What do you want to do today?" I questioned, trying to change the subject.

"I don't know... Can we just sit here and talk?"

I shrugged but agreed. "Yeah. It's fine." What a strange request.

~

We had sat there for around two AppleHours now, mostly in silence but occasionally talking. I appreciated the silence more than the talking: it left me space to think about what I wanted. We only talked about trivial subjects, anyway; I felt, somehow, that we were both turning around an important topic, but how was that possible, when I didn't have anything to hide and Leppa probably didn't either? I mean, I couldn't imagine him hiding something, he was such a genuine and honest Apple.

Right now, silence dominated, and we both sat next to each other in the grass, staring at the bright sun; it was almost midday. I felt we were both satisfied with the silence, and I had no desire to break it.

I had to think. For example, why did Leppa stay up all night? It was possible that he just couldn't sleep, yes it was possible, but I felt — like I felt everything else — that he had a reason, and unlike the other times I had felt something today, I trusted that feeling. It was a little different: more logical, less instinctive, and it was in my nature to trust intelligence and knowledge more than feelings and instinct.

Why would he stay up?

I had once heard that when one had a question one could not answer, one should see what oneself would do in the case (of course only if the case applied). So I did that: I asked myself why I would stay up.

Because I could not sleep, of course. That was always the greatest reason.

But nervousness, also. Nervousness really was a strange feeling: sometimes positive, most of the time negative, but the positive won over the negative. I had often stayed awake because I was nervous, some event that was to happen the next day made me stay; like I had when the battle was on the next day.

Maybe he had stayed awake because he was nervous? It would make sense...I mean, I couldn't think of something else. It also really sounded like Leppa, to worry about everything he didn't have to worry about. He was such a caring Apple, always looking out for me.

Why would he be nervous, though? Worrying? He had nothing to worry about, we had scared the army away and killed Mr. Apletre! No more threats! No nothing! Why was he not happy?! I was happy!