After An Apple's Death

XXV. The Try & The Rejection

I wasn't sure if Leppa wanted us to fight. But I also didn't know if I wanted to fight.

I had a strong desire to fight, and kill, Mr. Apletre; after all, he had betrayed me. Killing Mr. Apletre was important to me, and I wouldn't be able to bear without it — dying without seeing him dead would be horrifying. I wanted to make him pay for the false hopes he had given me, for making me believe that I was actually important to the society, for leaving me in a hell of a place for such a long time: in danger.

Mr. Apletre, you're going to pay.

Unfortunately, I wasn't just made out of revengefulness. A part of me was reasonable, and that part now told me that it was stupid to rush into revenge like that, suddenly. After all, Mr. Apletre was fully grown, stronger, had more powerful weapons and more allies by his side; there was no way I could win. Even using my sword, my hammer, anything, I wouldn't win.

Maybe I would if Leppa helped me. His plan had worked, hadn't it? Now they underestimated us. But I could not ask him to help me for my own revenge. First of all, he wouldn't help me; second of all, it was against my morals. He had nothing to do with Mr. Apletre.

I would fully understand if Leppa didn't want to fight, because it was too dangerous. Mr. Apletre had given us the choice to fight or not to fight, hadn't he?

I made my decision. I would fight, with or without Leppa. I would obviously enjoy it more with Leppa. And I would also ask Leppa if he wanted to.

We were camping under a tree, both trying to sleep but both incapable of sleeping. Both our minds were filled with the thoughts of tomorrow, when we would to choose to fight or not to fight.

I spoke up. "Leppa?"

"Hmm?" He turned his head towards me.

"Are we going to fight tomorrow?"

"Are you actually asking that question?"

"Yes?" I didn't see how the answer was so obvious. After all, it was possible that he wanted to fight; it was also possible that he didn't.

He sighed. "Of course I'm going to fight, Appel."

"But...why? It's dangerous?"

"It is, Appel, but why are you going to fight?"

"For revenge. I want to kill Mr. Apletre: he betrayed me, that little piece of crap!"

"I'm coming with you, then." Seeing the incomprehension on my face, he continued. "I see it in your face, Appel. Since Mr. Apletre told you what he told you, I see the desire for revenge in your eyes. And I'm coming with you. I'm always going to come with you. Wherever you go, I'll go. I hope it's the same way for you. I..." he stopped.

I wanted to reply to him that yes, it was the same way for me; a part of me didn't want to, as it would mean trusting him, but the truth of it flowed through my body. Yes. Of course I would follow him.

"I...I..."

"It's fine, Appel. I shouldn't have said that."

"Y..." I wanted to say yes but my vocal cords seemed to be broken.

"Try to sleep. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow." He gave me a sad smile and turned around, hiding his face from my view. I wanted to pull him around, tell him that I felt the same way, that I couldn't stand the feeling that he was sad, but I didn't. My arm stayed limp at my side, and I stared up at the stars, wondering if maybe they could help me.

~

I hadn't slept for the night; I had watched the sun rise, I had watched Leppa slowly open his eyes and blink, I had watched the other Apples slowly trickling out of the structure. My eyes hurt from lack of sleep, and I knew that if I closed them I'd instantly fall asleep.