Cold as Ice | The Shades of Love (B.B)

I'm a mess

"Clarke and her group are gone. " Jasper ranted.Miller,Monty,Harper and Octavia entered the dropship as well. They all waited for something to do or a plan. I guess they expected that bellamy was here,but it was just me and Murphy and the silence between us. Bellamy entered the dropship now,looking at me with an apologetic glimpse. Octavia told him about Clarke and the way his face changed gave my heart yet another stitch.

"I'm going to find them, Monty you're coming with me."he demanded instantly. He'd never do something like this for me. Nobody would,right? Right.

"I'm in." Octavia said and looked at her brother.

"Fine, but you're going with Raven."

The way he said her name was enough for me to stand up. I walked towards the dropship doors,twisting my ankles weirdly. The pain rushed through my body again,but this time I won't stop. I will go on. I had to leave the dropship for now. I needed to be alone for once, just to let go of this feelings. It was getting harder and harder to burry them inside me.

"Where do you think you're going?"Bellamy asked me and pulled at my wrist. I pulled away.

"Let go of me",I demanded through gritten teeth. The anger inside of me grew.

"Not if you won't stop acting like a child!"he protested and pulle dme even harder back. I slapt his chest and felt the first tear escaping my eyes.

"Stop touching me! Stop even looking at me! You know what I don't care what you think Bellamy. Because when my wounds are healed I'm leaving this damn camp,just to be as far away from you as possible!"

He loosened his grip around my wrist and stared at me. I blended the others completely out,who were now staring at me. Octavia tried to say something but didn't make a sound actually. Murphy nodded at me, trying to force me to tell Bellamy what I had to tell him.

"Lydia,I'm just trying to protect you.Like I'm trying to protect everyon here."he whispered.

"Well, you failed. You destroyed my life. By the way , Congratulations Bellamy Blake, you're going to be a father."I said before making my way out of the dumb dropship. I walked towards Montys Tent cause I clearly couldn't stay with bellamy in a tent or the dropship. I fell down on the soft mattress and burried my face in Montys Pillow. It smelled like him. This smell was the only thing I wanted to think about right now. Nothing more.  

Bellamy

I stormed out of the camp. My mind was going crazy. This is a lie, it couldn't happen,right? How am I suppose to act right now. What am I suppose to do? I had the walky talky in my hand while I searched through the forest for any sight of Clarkes Group. I was worried about Clarke, what if the grounders did something because they've lost Lydia? The deeper I got in the forest the better I could think about all of it. It was as if I ahad to go through those walls to get away from all of that. I heard my walky talky making some noises before I heard Raven speaking.

"There is someone."she said and I ran. I ran back to find Octavia and Raven standing in front of a bush. Octavia walked towards it while Raven and I held our guns towards their direction. With a fast move she exposed a boy laying on the ground with an arrow in his stomach. It was the boy who was with Finn and Clark on hunt.

"Miles?!"Octavia said while he groaned in pain,probably because of the arrow.

"Oh my god." I could hear Monty through the walky talky. It sounded like he had found soemthing,maybe he found Clarke and Finn or some traces.

"Monty?"I asked but I didn't get an answer.

"Monty. Answer me."I repeated this time louder. Again nothing. I looked at Raven and Octavia who tried to help Miles.

"Where are Clarke and Finn?"Raven asked him as he groaned in pain again when Octavia puleld out the arrow.

"The grounder got them."he spat out. I immediately looked at Raven who was staring at the ground. She tried to get a clear head for a few seconds before she spoke ," We need to get him back to the camp". We all nodded and tried to find something to transport him. Monty still didn't say anything and I was worried about him. He was one of the smartest in the camp and without him Jasper would turn crazy.

"Monty!"

There was nothing. Not even a noise fromt he walky talky, it was like he didn't even has one. Raven came back with something that looked a little bit like a stretcher. We hovered Miles on the stretcher and slowly walked towards the camp. Raven was about to cry, even if she tried to hide it I could see it. It was dark but her eyes shimmered in the monnlight and the tears in her eyes just reflected the light.I knnow that she loves him and I know how she's feeling. When Lydia was gone, I couldn't stop thinking of her and I had this weird feeling in my stomach. As if boiling water would slowly run over my body.It wasn't a pain,but more a feeling that was so uncomfortable that even pain would be easier to take. Now she's pregnant and I can't do anything about it. She's pregnant,she hates me and I don't know how to act around her. I never felt this way for someone and I don't want to feel like this. I just want to be hated by the others or just be respected. I feel like Lydia changed me completely,as if I wasn't me anymore.I didn't want to loose her but how can I protect the baby if I can't even protect her. How can a child be raised at this place? She's just 18, she isn't ready and I am not ready for this.But I can't let something happen to her again,she did too much.

We arrived at the camp and after I dropped my gun I ran straight to the dropship while Octavia and raven slowly followed me with Miles. Lydia sat on her bed,with puffy eyes in Murphys Arms. It was like a direct stitch in my breast. He stroked her beautiful blond hair and held her close to his chest,just like I used to do one time. The anger in my veins was uncontrolable. 

"Hands of her and get your ass out." I demanded and he did it without hesitation.I think he knew what was coming and he wanted to be here for a whiel longer I guess.I looked into her red eyes,she didn't even try to avoid me.

"I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. " I apologised before I pressed my lips on hers,but she pulled her head away and shoved me back. Of course,I slept with Raven. But we never talked about soemthing serious between us, we weren't in a relationship. We were just friends and things happened that shouldn't have happened.

"Don't you dare to touch me again."she threatened me as she looked into my eyes so intense it was almost scaring. Octavia and Raven arrived at the dropship without the stretcher. Octavia shook her head. Miles is dead. Another grave behind our dropship and another warrior less. Raven pulled Octavia out of the dropship as she saw Lydia sitting on her bed.

"Lydia I can't-"I tried to explain but she shook her head.

"You can't what? I know what you are Blake. You are an selfish man whore."she said.

"Maybe I am, but we are having a baby and we have to do this together. Let's just do this just for the baby."I tried. She slowly nodded and lay down on the bed telling me that she is tired. It hurted to see her like that. I never wanted to hurt her, it was like Octavia was laying in front of me. Little Octavia who was scared of the darkness. I sat next to her, keeping an eye on her thinking about everything but mostly about the grounders,Monty and my soon to be here child.