Niall's Cancer Battle: A 1D Fanfic

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Fear

The nurse stares at me with wide brown eyes, seeing me for the first time as not a grieving boy, but a man who has lost a loved one to a horrific disease. She finally realizes that even though people die, they are not gone, not as long as those that loved them still exist.

"You are very old for your age," she finally speaks, her voice quiet and full of wonder. "I have never encountered someone with your reaction to a lost loved one."

"I did not lose Niall." I will rejoin him.

"I wish you a long and happy life Harry Styles," she says and holds her hand out towards me. I stare down at it. Thoughts of holding Niall's hand but him not feeling it at all rush through my mind and I take another step backwards.

"Thank you. I wish to find my friends now," I state and she drops her hand down realizing that I have no intention of shaking it.

The nurse looks down but not before I catch a glimpse of indecision on her face. There's something she knows that I do not. Something that is bothering her.

"I'll just find the doctor. I'm sure he can take me to what I want," I say and grab the notebook off the counter. "Thanks," I tell the nurse before leaving the room. She doesn't say a single thing or make a move to stop me.

I hate the hospital. I make my way towards the waiting room, avoiding the glance of the people passing by since I don't think I can deal with anymore sadness for the day. My entire body feels deflated and I just want to curl up into my blankets and rot there. Never have to move again. Never have to think again.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" A woman asks me from behind a desk. She's one of those check in people who sit at the front and greet everyone who comes in. Surely she'd know where I could find the doctor.

"Yes," I say and walk over to her. I lean my elbows on the cool polished counter top and give her a slight smile. "Could you please tell me if Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson are checked in?" I bite my lip as she nods and looks down at the keyboard to start typing in the names.

Worry slices through my stomach and I find myself practically chewing off my bottom lip. What if something terrible has happened to both Louis and Liam? I don't think I can deal with hearing that they both died...I just can't go through losing anyone else right now...

"Ah yes, Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson were checked in today... along with Zayn Malik."

"What?" I whisper, shock hitting me full blast. "Zayn?"

"That's what it says here," she says and then continues reading the screen. She frowns and taps her fingers against the keyboard keys. "Oh," she whispers, horror coloring her face.

And then I see it in her eyes. I don't need to see them in person or read the screen to know their current state of mind. I don't need a doctor or nurse or anyone to tell me what has happened to my best mates. This woman's expression tells me everything I could possibly neeed.

They're dead.

My breathing speeds up and I bite my lip and stab my palms with my fingernails. No, this can't be happening to me. ALL of the boys have been placed into the hospital and Niall is dead?! And what if they're dead too?! What if I've lost not only Niall, but everyone!?

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to take a seat before you pass out. Slow down your breathing and try to keep your thoughts straight," the woman says in a voice that implies she's said the same thing to hundreds of other people. Repition. Repitition in everyone at the goddamn hospital.

But I don't want to breathe or sit or even stand here in front of her. I want to get to them right now. I need to see for myself. I need to know that they are okay.