+ Positively Negative - | Freddie & Joey

17. Joey -+ My Tampon Guy [Part One]

When I walked into the hallway, shutting the door with a gentle click, I heard voices. One of which I was pretty sure belonged to my mum. The other was familiar too, but it couldn’t be who I thought it was.

I made my way to the living room cautiously, but remained at the door when I saw Kelsey, of all people, on a sofa with my mum. 

‘What’s going on here?!’ I asked them, my heart in my mouth. They looked up at me at the same time in shock but in seconds they were on their feet and a couple later I was in my mum’s arms. Kelsey stood biting her nails nervously, watching us.

‘Oh my God, Joey! Why did you never tell me?! Why would you do that!?’

‘Do what?!’ My eyes turned to Kelsey accusatively. ‘What did you tell her?!’

‘I’m sorry, but I had to-’ Kelsey but my mum shushed her as she let me go.

‘Joey, please don’t blame it on Kelsey, okay?’ Mum said, looking worried, ‘ I don’t know when you were going to tell me, but her letting me know allows me to help you…to support  you... How many times have I told you I want to be completely involved in your life?’

‘Wait, what are you guys talking about?’

Kelsey looked down as my mum’s expression softened. ‘You’re gay… Aren’t you?

My shoulders slumped and my heart tightened.

I half shook my head, but then I was nodding, I was going to say anyway. It was easier this way.

Mum gathered me back into her arms ad hugged so hard, I couldn’t breathe. But I shut my eyes and held her close, crying into her shoulder.

‘I should go…’ Kelsey whispered.

‘N-no,’ I said quickly, pulling away with a sniff. ‘I want to talk to you…’ Kelsey eyed me nervously as my mum sighed and squeezed my hand.

‘I’m going to stand in the kitchen and pretend to make some tea while you two talk, okay?’ She grinned at me through her tears, and I smiled right back.  I had no idea what I’d done to deserve her.

When mum shut the door, Kelsey began talking immediately.

‘I’m so sorry Joey, honestly, I know you hate me, I know we don’t always get alone but I didn’t do this to fuck you over or anything… For a while it’s going to be fucking shit at school and I thought you could at least do with the support of your mum. She’s the only other person you’ve got-’

‘Kelsey, stop, it’s okay. I’m not mad. I was going to tell her anyway. I just want to know why.’ She opened her mouth but I interrupted, ‘By that I mean why you did it. Pretty much guessing Courtney doesn’t want anything to with me anymore… and Ryan… None of them, so why you?’

Kelsey chewed on her top lip, then pulled her lips together, trying to stop them from wobbling. When she spoke her voice was even more wiry and high-pitched than usual.

‘My cousin is in hospital. The one I called an Emo? A faggot..?’ He voice cut off for a moment. ‘He came out last week at his school in Manchester –he actually is gay, and I never even fucking knew. He  got fucking beat up for it, Joey, and as if that wasn’t bad enough he tried to kill himself afterwards...’

There was silence. My throat was dry no matter how much I swallowed, but tears continued to run down my cheeks.

‘I’m really sorry.’

‘So am I. You probably don’t want it, but I’m here for you. Even if no one else is.’

‘Thank you,’ my voice was hoarse. ‘And I’m really sorry for what Ryan was doing to you as well. With Courtney.’