Emison: I can't fight my feelings

The Distance

EMILY POV.

I've been in Texas for 2 months now. I miss home more and more each day I'm here. My relationship with my mom is close to completely vanished. It's her fault my life went down hill so fast.

It's not Texas that's all bad, it's just not being in my old crazy town. I miss it. I have a couple friends here, but none that stand out.

School is much easier here. That's the only easy thug about Texas.

Aria, Spencer, and Hanna are all okay. I talk to them on the daily. They have their boyfriends to keep them company.

I'm laying in my bed thinking about my life when I hear my phone ring.

I slowly roll over to look at the screen.

**Alison Dilaurentis FaceTime Call**

I sigh, but smile as I press the answer button.

It takes a second to connect but then I see her face on my screen. Her face lights up when she sees me. I love it when that happens. It's cute.

"Emily!!" She squeals. I giggle.

"Hey Ali!" I say back trying to match her enthusiasm.

"How was your day Em?" She asks after she stays silent for a minute.

"The same. Miserable." I sigh.

"I'm sorry babe." She whispers with sadness. My body clenches after hearing her call me "babe." I think it's because I have no idea what we are anymore. We talk practically every day but I just can't tell. I miss her and I'm still very much in love with her, but the distance is crushing.

"Tell me about your day." I demand as I set the phone on speaker and lay back down flat in my bed.

"Well, I took an English test, had lunch with the girls, cried, drove home from school, and now I'm here. There's a party tonight but I'm not going." She ends.

"Ali why don't you go?" I ask.

"Those kinds of things just aren't as fun without you here. I'd rather just be home." She ends with a sigh.

These were our usual conversations. Telling each other about how sad we are to be separated.

"I miss you." I begin to cry quietly.

"I miss you too Emily." She cries.

"But.." I state.

"But what?" Alison says, obviously worried.

I feel my heart start to race because I don't know what I'm doing. My mind is just going insane.

Recently I've felt like I've been holding Ali back since I'm at Texas. I feel like I'm ruining her life. No part of me wants to let her go fully, but I feel selfish. My heart breaks at the thought. Literally, it shatters. But it would hurt me more knowing I'm hurting Alison by not being there. She needs to be free. Free of me. I'm just poison right now and people need to stay away.

"Alison, I need to let you go." I struggle to get the words out.

I hang up the phone before I can hear her reaction. I'm being a bitch, I know. But it will be better for her in the long run.

To my surprise, she doesn't call back.

I cry myself to sleep that night and just plan on having a shitty Saturday.

__________

I wake up at noon and my eyes are red and puffy.

Remembering last night, I immediately start whaling again. I never wanted to let her go, but I have to. Right?

As I lay in bed with my aching heart and uneasy stomach, I hear my phone ring.

'Spencer Hastings'

I pick up.

"Hello?" I say with complete and utter heartbreak.

My eyes shoot open as my surprise to Spencer's screaming overwhelms me.

"EMILY FIELDS, WHAT THE FUCK." She screams.

"What?!" I say defensively.

"YOU REALLY THINK THE BEST THING IS TO BREAK UP WITH ALISON? HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?" She continues.

"I was making her worse by staying with her, Spencer."

"No, Emily. You were the only thing keeping her from being completely not okay. She's way more hurt then she has ever been since you've left. You can't leave her Emily."

"SHE WILL DO BETTER WITHOUT ME!" I scream and cry, not wanting to believe my own words.

"Emily, listen to me. Texas isn't forever, but you and Ali are."

I let Spencer's words sink in. She's right. The distance is just getting to me and causing me to make decisions I don't want.

"How do I fix this?" I remain crying.

"Hanna, Aria and I will all pitch in to get you a plane ticket out here." She states.

"Spence, you don't have t-"

"We want to and we have already talked about it. And Ali needs it. So do you." She stays stern but loving at the same time, a trait about Spencer I love.

"Thank you so much." I reply.

"Prom is coming up in Rosewood. So when you get off that plane, you better have a good idea for your girlfriend in mind. We aren't telling Alison. We love you both, Em."

Spencer hangs up before I can even reply. I'm so happy. Words can't even explain. I finally get to see Alison.

But then a feeling of regret hits me. I can't believe I ended it. I'm so stupid. I decide to shoot her a quick text. But I want to keep this visit a secret.

"I'm so sorry. Ending things was wrong. I'm so in love with you it hurts.

Sending all my love to you.

-Emily"

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PLEASE READ.
I've lost many readers from being gone. But this is for all the people who have stayed with me. Your love and support means the world to me and sometimes you guys feel more like family then anyone else. Shoot me a message so I can talk to you guys more. I need you more then you know.

❤️Gracie (your writer)

And I've recently come out to my parents as bisexual. (If any of you wanted to know)