Just to Feel | Complete

Chapter 3

To say that I've had a troubled past would be putting it mildly. It would be like calling Hurricane Katrina a lovely Summer's breeze.

I'm nearly 19, and taking a gap year. My father obviously wants me to go off and study somewhere. Study what? I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I don't even think that I have a future... not the way that I'm carrying on. Let's be honest. I hurt myself for a reason. I'm depressed and unhappy. I don't sleep well, I don't eat well and I don't feel loved.

Love. A warm feeling nibbles at the edge of my mind, and I can vaguely remember what that feels like. It's what started this long road of destruction in the first place.

I was 16 and I thought that I was so in love with Dylan. I was happy and life couldn't get better. We met at school, I was the nerd and he was the jock. I saw him one day at our school swimming pool and that was it, I was hooked. He was a swimmer on our school swim team, and I ended up watching him every practice, just to be near to him.

He was older, about 18, and in his final year of high school. I was so excited, actually surprised, that a senior was interested in me. I had never had a boyfriend before, never even kissed someone. I was so used to being invisible to the hot guys. They never seemed to notice me, unless they needed help on assignments or studying for tests. Yes, as I said before, I was actually kind of a nerd back then.

Anyway, Dylan was so sweet. I knew that he was different to the other guys. A good guy. Scrap that, a good, hot guy. He was so good looking that he could have had any of the girls in the cheerleading squad as his girlfriend, but instead he chose me.

The other girls would say the nastiest things about me, behind my back, and even to my face. They would say things like, 'he's just with you because of a bet', or 'he's just trying to be the first to pop your cherry'. Why are kids so mean?! They were obviously all just jealous.

I ignored them because Dylan was different, and he told me that he loved me. He did, didn't he? Why would he say that, if he didn't mean it?

After about a month of seeing each other, he asked me to join him for a date on the football field. I wasn't even sure if we were allowed on school property at night, but I really didn't care. We were in love and it was so very romantic. The other girls were going to be even more jealous, when they found out.

Dylan asked me to meet him there, so when I got there, he'd prepared a seating-area in the middle of the field. He had a throw laid out with candles, music and a lovely Italian dinner. He seemed to have taken such great care of getting everything just perfect. I was so blown away by his thoughtfulness and attention to detail.

I walked across the field to where the throw was and sat down, waiting for him to show up. I thought that he'd probably gone to his car to fetch something, or to the bathroom.

A short while later, I saw him walking towards me, across the field, with a beautiful bunch of flowers in his hand. His smile was so stunning that it made me catch my breath. He pulled me up into his arms and kissed me. It was romantic and wonderful, and I felt as if I was floating on a cloud. He told me that I looked pretty and that I would never forget that evening. And boy, was he right!

We had just started eating when I heard voices. I looked up and saw five guys, with masks on, walking across the field towards us. I was frightened and crawled closer to Dylan, but when I looked at his calm face, I realised that this too must be part of his arrangements.

Yes, it was part of his plan, but not in the way that I thought.

Dylan turned to look at me and I noticed that his face had changed. He was smirking and the love in his eyes was gone. He laughed and said, "Remember when I told you that you'll always remember tonight? This is what I was talking about, bitch! I just know that you're going to love this!"