Dev-Divine Intervention

Part 3:

Devin getting a job at the local gas station was ironic because that same company I worked for as an assistant manager prior to his arrival. I supported him in his new role and shared his excitement. It wasn't long before he met someone by the name of Doug.
Doug had all the makings of what Devin was attracted to. He had tattoos, a dorky charm, and a criminal record. Devin and Doug quickly started a relationship and for me that was something hard to digest so I decided to separate myself from it all together. Jealousy and insecurities were not an attractive trait but I didn't want to get in the way of Devin's happiness.
That's when I decided to distract my mind with someone of my own. It's Devin, Doug, Danny Jay , and myself. I told Doug I was happy that he made Devin happy even though that was a lie. I thought if I said it maybe I'd believe it. But no.
Eventually Devin separated himself from Doug because he didn't want any problems at him dispute telling him it was okay. He chose to cut ties with Doug because he felt Doug was using him. But in reality he was using me and didn't have a voice then. Doug and I would communicate and he asked me point blank. "Why would you tell me that you were happy for me and Devin when you have feelings for him? Flabbergasted by his direct question. I confessed to which he understood where I was coming from. Being understood by him was comforting and he offered himself to have sex with me and I took him up on the offer. It was wrong of me but at the time it felt right to be understood by someone despite my heart being occupied by Devin.
By no means was sleeping with Doug revenge for him sleeping with Justin. I did feel a sense of guilt but at the time despite it being obvious that I was in love with the person that slept next to me everyday. But Doug was the only person I could communicate it with. I wasn't taking him away from Devin. He made the choice to cut ties. Regardless it was wrong of me to do. But ultimately I was the one being tortured emotionally allowing my insecurities to flourish at the desire for devin's love. Why wasn't I good enough? In fact I was too good probably.
He wasn't the only one to make a sacrifice. Due to the fact I put Devin first my relationship with Danny Jay dwindled.
Sitting in the parking lot of Devin's work I confess my love to him. Explain how I feel and that by turning down my plans to go with Danny Jay to the sex store would mean the end of my relationship with Jay. Devin responded in a way that signified his approval of me putting him first. I guess I was naive to think that was a sign of us potentially being together.
Devin finishes his cigarette and goes inside the gas station to go back to sitting on a milk crate behind the counter.
I wasn't in the right place for a relationship and I was in a hard time of my life after my father died and I guess looking back Devin as a light for me in a dark moment of my life. Love , honesty, communication , and trust but importantly I wanted to be understood by him. With the ideology that we were meant to be together and the belief that together we would be unstoppable. Pushing each other to our to succeed in life and break the mold of the past we shared separately in Alabama.
After arriving home from visiting Devin at work. I look at my phone. " I can't wait to be home and play Minecraft, I love you!"
As each day passes. My love for him grows stronger. Lying next to him watching him play Minecraft or catching up on the latest episode of thatchapter. Nothing felt better than him being around. His personality so outgoing and full of information. I hung on to every word he would say because seeing him in his element was a thing of beauty to me. Pathetically in love.