Dev-Divine Intervention

Part 2:

When I brought Devin into my home and introduced him to my family: my brother , mother, and her boyfriend. I insured that he was welcomed into my home and that he didn't have to worry about the things he did before because I made it clear that my home was his home. - this would be a act of kindness that wouldn't be returned pleasantly in the long run.
Devin is making himself at home in a way that felt right at the time. I saw the beauty in him from the very beginning and I was unaware why? However I took it as a sign that my father guided him in my direction in order to protect him.
To my dismay he reminded me so much of my dad. Pell City, Alabama is where my dad last lived and that was where Devin is from. I grew up in Ashville, Alabama. The neighboring town with a mountain in between. Our path never really crossed when we were in Alabama despite being so close. To put in perspective Devin when to school with my cousins and we have many connections but our path never connected directly until he got off the airplane.
One of the connection's we shared was his ex Jackie. My experience with Jackie wasn't pleasant. When I saw a photo of Jackie I was taken back by a mental block of something I had buried. I was reminded of the encounter. Jackie and I spoke on Grindr before meeting in 2012 at the Everglades apartments in Pell city where I lived at the time. What started off as consensual turned into horror as he was too large for me and too rough. He buried my head into the pillow and forced himself until completion. Blood everywhere as he leaves without saying a word. I remember getting up and taking a shower and locking the door. I never not wanted to be anywhere in my life because after that it wasn't long before I found any excuse to leave that apartment and that memory behind. It wasn't until that moment that I remembered the horrific experience and wondered if Devin experienced the same.
All I knew at the time was my heart was beginning to form an attachment to him and it was an experience I've never felt before. When you find someone that you love so deeply that makes you question if you ever loved before? It was something I couldn't explain and for me everything had to have a reason.
It was late and Devin was more than comfortable to sleep next to me in bed. Immediately taking his clothes off to be completely naked. Looking at him was a thing of beauty in every sense of the word. He might be subjectively not everyone's type but to me he was perfection. When I looked at him I saw potential for greatness. Intelligence that's out of this world, can speak 3 languages, and a charming smile that made me weak at the knees.
The more I learned about him the more I felt his pain and what he told me he went through. Being repeatedly raped by his brother in the bathtub growing up and his mother not believing him. His mother selling his prescription for Adderall and instead feeding him methamphetamine instead. He had know moral compass when it came to meth because it was normal in his household growing up. Which was all things that I could relate to because my father was a drug addict.
Nevertheless, he was excited for his adventure and new life In Pennsylvania. He was ready to be social and get out there! Everything about his personality and the way he lit up a room was beautiful. It didn't take him long to find a job at the local gas station. In the beginning things seemed great. The underlying feeling of finding someone that could help elevate each other in life and it felt amazing and confusing at the time because I didn't know how to navigate through these feelings. So, it was to no surprise that by my own admission I found myself jealous of those he was giving attention too. It was something that I learned in time that was wrong. Jealousy is not attractive at all however the pain is relatable.
My first mistake was how I handed a situation with a guy name Justin. Whom, was attracted to both us. Justin and I spoke for months prior to Devin's arrival but never met up or anything because of scheduling conflicts. I told Devin about him and showed him photos. The following morning I wake up and he tells me he been communicating with him. I act unbothered but I was because one I was developing feelings for him that I couldn't explain and he was planning on meeting someone that I spoke to for months before me.
At which point I decided to distance myself from it and try to not be interested in Justin which only made him more interested in me. My jealousy was more of why I wasn't good enough for Devin but someone who didn't comb their hair, bathe correctly , and smelled of cat piss was the exception.
I can take ownership of the fact I didn't handle that well. At this time I wasn't open about how I was feeling because it confused me.
When he got the job he wanted I was so proud of him. He comes home " I got the job! 3rd shift at the gas station." Which ended up being a blessing and a curse.