The Secret Life of Emily Blu

Chapter Twenty-Two

I text Joanne and ask if it's okay for Jonas to bring me home after school and she agrees. I can tell through her text message that she's delighted for me, which only makes my heart sink lower.

I don't know what I'm going to say to Jonas, and it eats away at my thoughts for the rest of my classes. When the final bell rings I gather my things and meet Jonas out front by his bike.

"Hi beautiful," he greets me, smiling brightly. He leans down and gives me a quick kiss which I allow.

"Hi."

Jonas frowns down at me and I try not to get distracted by how handsome the boy is, especially when I'm considering breaking up with him. "Do you want to talk here?"

I shake my head. "No, I'd rather talk somewhere private."

Jonas considers me for a moment. "Do you want to go to my house? It's not far from yours, and my mom won't be there for a little bit. She always stays later than she really needs to at school."

"That sounds good. Let me just text my mom."

I send Joanne a text that says I'll be going over to Jonas' house for a little bit before coming home.

I hop on his bike behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. I try not to acknowledge how right it feels to be pressed up against him. That line of thought is only going to lead me into trouble.

The ride to Jonas' house goes by in a flash. I'm not even sure how we got here I was so focused on my own thoughts.

His house is a couple neighborhoods over from mine. I have to admit that our house is much bigger, but then again we weren't paying for it. Jonas' mom is a teacher and he's never mentioned his dad, so I just assume he is out of the picture.

When we get inside I find that while the house is smaller, it's very well kept. Honestly it looks like it could be in a magazine.

"Do you want something to drink?"

I turn to Jonas and shake my head.

He frowns again at me. "You're scaring me, Emily. What's going on?"

I have a huge grand speech I intend to give, but at the last minute I just ask, "Why didn't you tell me you deal drugs?"

Jonas' face goes white. "Who told you that?"

"Is it true?" I ask, ignoring his question.

He opens and closes his mouth several times before stuttering, "Yes."

I want to crumple right there, but I hold myself together and give him a small nod.

"It's not what you think, though," he rushes to assure me.

"Then what is it? Because I got told today that my boyfriend deals drugs and he hasn't mentioned it to me."

Jonas rubs a hand down his face. "It's not like that; I'm not like that. Not like what you're thinking of."

"Then explain it to me."

"Do you want to sit down?" Jonas asks, gesturing towards the couch in the living room.

"No thanks. We can have this conversation right here." Really I didn't want to sit down and have Jonas tower over me even more than he already is.

Jonas closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I don't know where to start. I guess the important thing to know is that I'm not doing this for me."

I raise an eyebrow at this, "Then why are you doing this?"

"My dad left two years ago. He just woke up one day and decided he didn't want a family anymore, and he left. I haven't seen him since, and Mom can't even get in touch with him to get the divorce finalized." He pauses, processing some unpleasant emotion before continuing. "Mom couldn't afford our old home so we moved here. It was really hard on her. I really wanted to help out but she doesn't want me to work while I'm in school. So I had to get creative."
"And your creativity came up with drug dealing?" I hiss.

Jonas shrugs. "Kinda. My cousin deals drugs and he hooked me up. It's fast, easy money, and I can keep it to myself. It's mostly harmless. I mean I don't deal with serious drugs, just fun ones like pot and adderall. Sometimes I deal with a little LSD but that's rare and I charge a lot for it."

"Does your mom know?"

Shaking his head, Jonas says, "She has no idea. She'd kill me if she knew what I was doing. I don't plan on doing it forever. I just plan on doing it until we graduate. And then I'll stop."

I consider him, trying to figure out how sincere he is. "And what are you going to do after we graduate?"

"Mom still wants me to go to college, but I think I'm just going to get a job. Maybe go into a technical trade. "

"So you don't do like, bad drugs?" I ask.

"No. Not at all. I would never."

I nod slowly. Despite not telling me he deals drugs, he's never given me a reason to distrust him. He told me what happened between Hardy and him, and Bethany, and I'd never caught him in a lie up until this point. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Jonas swallows audibly. "Honestly, I was scared you'd break up with me."

I soften towards him slightly. "I was thinking about it," I admit.

"And now?"

I shrug. "I'm not going to lie and say I'm thrilled, but I understand. As long as you don't get in trouble or start dealing with really bad drugs, I guess it's okay."

The relief that washes over his face is clear and he swoops in and gives me a big hug. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I promise I won't. And it won't be forever, either." He leans down and kisses me. "Now lets get you home before Mom gets home. I'm not supposed to have girls over."

We're halfway out the front door when his mom pulls up.

"Fuck," Jonas groans.