The Secret Life of Emily Blu

Chapter Fourteen

TRIGGER WARNING: SA DISCUSSED VERY DELICATELY

"Do you feel ready today, Sarah?"

I glance up from my hands and frown at Hilary. "Ready for what?"

Hilary gives me a small smile. "I think we take this session seriously."

I quirk an eyebrow. "Have the last two sessions been for fun?"

Hilary chuckles to herself. "You and I both know that's not how it is. But I think we need to talk about some of the hard stuff you're keeping inside. You're being eaten up from the inside out by it."

"What do you mean by that?"

Hilary sighs. "You aren't eating, and you're still cutting yourself."

My mouth drops open. "How do you know that?"

"Unlucky guess."

I frown at her. I want to be upset, but I'm mildly impressed. "Kelly never pushed me on talking about what happened."

"Kelly isn't your therapist anymore. She felt like your case could be better handled by someone else, and that's me. I know you don't want to talk about it, but you need to. You can't keep it all bottled up inside you forever. You're going to self-destruct."

"I don't know where to start," I mumble.

"How about I ask you questions, and you just have to answer them?"

"Do I have an option?"

"Not really, no."

I sigh. "Fine."

Hilary nods and gives me an encouraging smile. "Who are you? Really, I mean?"

"My name is Sarah Livingston. I was a child actress and up until a couple years ago I lived in LA with my family." I expect the words to taste bitter, but in fact they're easy to say. It's surprising.

"When did the abuse start?"

"With him?"

"Yes. You don't have to name him if you don't want to. But who was he to you?"

I swallow. "He was my manager, and I think the abuse started when I was too young to remember. I don't remember a time it wasn't happening."

"Did you ever tell your parents what was happening?" Hilary continues.

"No."

"Why?"

I shrug. "I guess at first I didn't realize what was going on, and then when I did know what he was doing was wrong I was scared. He controlled my entire career, and I was scared if I told my parents what was happening then my career would be over."

Hilary makes a note. I desperately want to know what she wrote.

"It's my understanding that your parents did find out when you were almost 14, correct?"

I nod slowly. "That's right."

"How did that happen?"

I swallow and the edges of my vision start fading into black. I remember what Hardy had said and I start counting. Hilary doesn't push me to talk, she lets me calm myself down at my own speed. I don't know how long I count, but eventually I get my breathing under control and my vision clears.

"You did a very good job calming yourself down," Hilary observes.

I nod. "A kid at school walked me through how to calm down earlier this week."