The Secret Life of Emily Blu

Chapter Eighteen

Hardy doesn't wait for me by the door and he doesn't sit next to me in English on Monday. He sits back in the corner in his old spot, and the poor displaced student who originally sat next to my seat returns.

He's hunched over his desk and doesn't even spare me a glance.

I tell myself the entire class that it means nothing, but I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that it does, and that's absurd. This is what I've wanted, right? For Hardy and his big jock self to leave me alone?

So why do I spend the entire class period agonizing over what I could have possibly done to make him avoid me? I don't think I've done anything – he said hi to me at the football game on Friday and he'd seemed fine. In fact, he'd seemed happy I was there. So, what had changed this weekend?

By the end of class, I've convinced myself that this has nothing to do with me – not that I care – and I've decided to try and catch him in between classes to ask him what's wrong.

The moment the bell rings he's out of his chair. When he nears my desk I call out, "Hey, Hardy," expecting him to stop at my desk. Instead, he doesn't even spare me a glance. He keeps walking as if he didn't hear me at all.

I sit at my desk a little stunned. He's never ignored me; in fact, he's usually bothering me with his constant attention.

I gather up my things slowly, scared to see whether or not he'll be sitting next to me in math. I walk into class and find him sitting on the opposite side of the room. I take my usual seat slowly, my mind whirring.

I'd always thought I found Hardy annoying mostly, but his sudden absence makes me realize I'd enjoyed his presence more than I'd allowed myself to acknowledge. The classroom feels colder than it normally does, and I have no idea what the teacher is talking about. My mind is firmly stuck on Hardy and his sudden 180.

I'm ready when class ends to stop him, but the teacher calls me over before I have the chance to reach him.

"Yes?" I ask, my stomach sinking, realizing my chance to corner Hardy is ending.

"Are you okay? You seemed a bit out of it today."

I nod and after assuring the teacher I'm just sleepy I hurry out and into the hall, casting around for Hardy. He's nowhere to be seen, but we do have the next class together.

I get into History and he's sitting as far away from me as possible again. We have at least another minute before the bell rings, so I set my stuff down and go over to his desk.

He doesn't even look up at me. He stares down at his notes, tapping his pen lightly on the desk.

"Hardy," I say, trying to get his attention.

I think for a moment he's going to continue to ignore me, but instead he sighs and says, "What?"

His tone is cold, much like it'd been on the first day when he'd told me to move. I'm taken aback by it, and it takes me a second to collect myself. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"But -," I start, trying to find the words.

He finally glances up at me and his blue eyes are cold as ice. The warmth I'm only now realizing I've relied on our entire relationship is gone. "Can you leave me alone?"

"What did I do wrong?" The words tumble from my mouth before I can stop them.

He stares at me, his face completely blank, and I think that that's the worst expression I've ever seen on someone before. "You wanted me to leave you alone and I am."

Before I can respond the bell rings and I have to go back to my desk. I try not to stare the entire class, but my eyes return to Hardy time and time again. He doesn't glance my way once.

I had wanted him to leave me alone, but now that he was, I realize at some point I'd started considering him a friend. I haven't had very many in my life, and I credit that with why I hadn't realized prior to now that he is one. Was one.

When the teacher isn't looking I send him a text.

Me: Can we talk at lunch?

I watch him take out his phone, look at my text, and then put his phone back. It hurts far more than I'm willing to admit, even to myself.

Class ends and I gather my things slowly, trying to figure out what to do next. Before I can decide a shadow falls over my desk. I glance up and find Hardy standing next to me, his arms crossed.

"You wanted to talk?"

I nod, relief flooding through me. "We can talk outside, if you'd like." I really don't want our conversation to be overheard. All of the other students had realized Hardy wasn't glued to my side like normal and they'd been staring at us the entire day. I'm sure they'd love to overhear what we had to say.

He follows me outside and I stop by the tree I'd eaten at the first day of school. If he remembers it, he doesn't give any indication.

"What'd you want to say?" His tone is gruff and harsh, and I'm taken aback again by how cold he is.

"Did I do something to you?"

Hardy stares at me for a long moment. Eventually he shrugs. "I can't be your friend, Emily. It's best we both stop trying." He turns to leave, and my mouth falls open. He turns back at the last moment. "If you ever need me, just give me a call."

"Need you?"

He nods. "You'll know. When the time comes, just give me a call. In the meantime, please stay away from me."

He turns and walks off, leaving me confused and hurting under the tree.