𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙢 𝘽𝙤𝙙𝙮 : ̗̀➛ 𝙙.𝙙

81

Del pulled on her boots, lacing them up. She needed away. She needed to breathe. It was night now. The rest of the group had to have begun the attack by then. She thought about Daryl, killing those people. She wondered if he felt guilty. She had changed so much, but she had never been a murderer.

"Where are you going?" Jake mad her jump from the darkness of the living room.

"For a walk."

"It's the middle of the night."

"Beth is sleeping, Jake. I'll only be a few minutes."

He seemed like he wanted to argue it, but pursed his lips, saying nothing.

Del sat in the church pew, staring up at the huge cross in front of her. A bottle of whiskey in her hand.

"Nobody wants to listen to me. They used to respect my opinion, and now everyone just treats me like I don't matter. It's like... once you become a mom that's all you're good for... a mom." She took a long sip of the bottle, "Tell me how that's far?" She stared at the cross. She knew god wasn't listening. She knew there was no god, but the loneliness consumed her.

The sound of the door creaking open made her reach for her knife, spinning around. A figure slouched in. She squinted her eyes through the dark, focusing them.

"Jesus, Spencer. You gave me a heart attack." She sighed, dropping her knife back into its holster.

"Sorry bout that.. mind if I join you?"

"I didn't know you were religious." She sat back down at the pew. He sat next to her.

"I'm not... but sometimes you just... you need to make sure you keep that connection to god just in case... ya know? Are you... are you drinking?" He stared down at the bottle. She offered it to him. He grabbed it, taking a long swig.

"I was gonna come check on you after you had the baby and all but.." He handed her the bottle back.

"It's okay. We were overwhelmed with visitors anyway. Had to have Jake tell some of them to go away." She chuckled. It fell quiet between them as he looked over at her, then to the cross.

"So what are you here for?"

"Huh?"

"You must have a reason to come pray... what is it?"

She shook her head. Embarrassed to admit it was just because she felt so alone, so isolated. He nodded.

"I'll tell you why i'm here if you tell me why you are." He smiled. "I think about my mom. She was religious. She loved getting me up and early for church every Sunday. I never was interested. I hated church and the way it smelled like old people, but I know if heaven is real then she's there. So... I want to be with her after I go... Your turn."

Del took a long drink, draining the bottle before sighing.

"I'm lonely."

"What?" He laughed.

"I'm so alone that i'm praying. I.. I keep telling everyone that something bad is going to happen, that I can feel it. Nobody believes me because they think it's just the stress from the baby but... I know."

He looked over at her.

"I believe you."

She looked over at him, giving him a gentle smile.

"Thanks."

"So that's why you're drinking?" He nodded to the empty bottle.

She let out a cold chuckle, seeing the bottle empty.

"I drink when I struggle... I'm my fathers daughter."

"Your father drank?"

"Oh.. he was an alcoholic.. a sweet trait he passed to me. Used to like this exact type of whiskey too. It never seemed to burn my throat like it does to others... goes smoothly down. I think the first time I drank it my dad took over my body," she laughed.

"It doesn't scare you that you might fall back into old habits again?"

"Look at the world we're in. I'd rather be a drunk than dead... Reminds me of life before too in a sad way. The smell... Reminds me of growing up with my siblings. Funny that the thing that reminds me of childhood is the thing that ruined my life at one point." She set the bottle on the ground, kicking it over.

He stared at her for a second, she watched his eyes flicker across her face before he replied.

"There's this quote... it's something like... Do you think Jesus, a carpenter, smelled the wood of the cross and thought of home?"

She pursed her lips, pulling her eyes away from his and back to the cross.

"I don't think I'm righteous enough to compare to Jesus. A drunk to a carpenter... anyways... I'm not gonna keep drinking... I just... I needed to tonight. Helps with the loneliness."

"What about Daryl? Jake?"

She shook her head.

"They are the ones who treat me the most crazy." She smiled sadly. She looked at him. He didn't say anything. His lips were in a lopsided frown.

Before she could realize in her drunken state, his lips crashed into hers. She didn't know how long his lips had been on hers before the realization hit her. She hadn't been kissed in so long, part of her brain thought it was Daryl. She quickly pushed him back, staring at him.

"Oh, Spencer... I didn't mean... I'm still with Daryl. I didn't mean to give you the impression-"

"I'm sorry. I just thought that..."

"No... I just... I'm with Daryl now... We have a family together and-"

"Would you stay with him if you didn't have the baby?"

The question took her back. She blinked her eyes, letting it rattle in her head for a second.

"What?"

"Is Beth the only thing keeping you together?"

"What? Of course not..." She wasn't sure anymore. Daryl hadn't been the same. Maybe Beth was the only thing keeping him with her.

"I just... I know if you were my girlfriend... the mother of my child... I would be here with you right now." He stood, giving her a half smile before leaving the church. The sound of the door slamming made her realize just how dark and quiet it was in there, alone with her thoughts again.