One Look Was All It Took

Worthless

*warning mentions abuse*

He just stared at me. Speechless. I told him everything. The relationship with nick. The abuse I endured in relationships before and after nick. The date rapes. The one night stands. Everything. And him not talking to me was freaking me out. What was going on in his head right now? Was he disgusted with me? Did he think less of me? He kept looking down at the floor.

"Noah" I said practically begging him to say something. Anything. He let out a deep breath and stood up and began pacing the floor.

"Sarah I need to go, I need to think, this is a lot"

I jumped up from the bed and ran up to him, reaching for his hands but he pushed them away.

"I've gotta go, i- thi- look I jus- this is a lot to take in and I'm so sorry what you've been through Sarah but i- jus- just need to be alone right now"

He walked out of my bedroom. I ran downstairs to follow him "Noah, please don't go" and he was gone. I stared at the door and fell to my knees. In a fetal position I cried. What have I done? He hates me. I hate me. I picked myself up off of the floor and ran to the kitchen and finished off the bottle of wine that was in the fridge. And threw it up against the wall.

"FUCK" I Screamed, and threw everything off of the counters. Slamming the kitchen cabinet doors.

"SARAH, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHERE'S NOAH" Chrissy yelled as she tried to grab ahold of me.

"LET GO OF ME" I Screamed while trying to break from her grip.

"SARAH STOP IT!, fuck you're bleeding" She rushes to grab a paper towel and puts it into my hand.

"He hates me chris, he hates me" I said as I made my way to the couch. She walks slowly behind me and sits next to me.

"Noah? He doesn't hate you babe, what happened? Everything was fine" she gets up from the couch and walks towards the stairs and screams for Noah.

"He's gone" I whimpered as I was pressing the paper towel into the cuts on my hand.

"Sarah... please tell me what happened" she said as she kneeled down in front of me. And I took a few deep breaths.

"I told him everything, about my past, and HE FUCKING LEFT" I Screamed as I kicked the coffee table and everything that was on it flew around the room.

"Sarah stop please, you've got to calm down" she said as she held onto my arms. "Maybe he just needs to process everything, that's a lot for someone to take in"

"WELL FORGIVE ME FOR HAVING A FUCKED UP LIFE CHRIS, I DIDN'T ASK FOR THE RAPES AND THE ABUSE. I DIDN'T ASK FOR MY DAD TO DIE. SURE I WANTED ATTENTION BUT I DIDN'T DESERVE HALF THE SHIT I'VE BEEN THROUGH. I Screamed and Screamed till I was starting to lose my voice.

"Sarah you're right you didn't deserve it, but it's what you do now that matters, your past is your past and you can't change that but that doesn't define who you are as a person"

I didn't want to listen to her. I wanted to break everything in sight. I trusted noah. I thought telling him everything would help him understand who I am as a person. And all it did was push him away. I'm great at that. The one good thing that could have happened to me was gone. And I was to blame. Because of my past trauma and bad decisions.

I walked upstairs to the bathroom and just stared at myself in the mirror. Hating what I saw.

*flashback*

"Your think you're so fucking hot don't you" Nick said as he stood behind me in the bathroom as I was putting my makeup on. I stayed quiet to avoid an argument. Like I always did. Trying not to make eye contact with him.

"You put that shit on your face to make other guys look at you, but just remember" he said as he grabbed the back of my neck causing me to drop my mascara.

"No man is ever gonna want you and put up with you the way I do" and he pushed my head into the mirror. Causing me to fall to the floor. I put both of my hands up in front of my face. I knew what was coming.

"Nick, stop please don-" Before I knew it he had me by the hair dragging me to the bedroom and pulled me up to stand in front him and before I could even attempt to run away he slapped me across the face causing me to fall onto the bed. I tried to crawl off the bed and get away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back, placing his hands around my neck.

"WHY DO YOU MAKE ME DO THIS, IF YOU WOULD JUST ACT RIGHT, I WOULDNT HAVE TO DO THIS BUT YOU WANT TO FLAUNT YOUR SHIT LIKE SOME WHORE" he Screamed in my face, squeezing my neck harder and harder. Before I nearly pass out. He let go and I gasp for air. Holding onto my throat.

"Worthless" he scoffs before walking out of the bedroom.

*flashback over*

I am worthless. I'm nothing. I don't deserve love. I sat in the bathtub and cried and cried. Chrissy tried to talk to me outside of the door but I just ignored her.

After an hour of sitting in the bathroom I made my way to the bedroom and laid in my bed just staring up at the ceiling. Having flashbacks of Noah and I singing during soundcheck. Wanting to be back there. In that moment. I reached for the note he had gave me with the flowers and my tears fell onto it causing the words to smear. I crumbled the note and threw it onto the floor.

What have I done?

I held onto myself and cried until I slowly drifted to sleep.

*okay readers, are we liking this so far? It would mean a lot to me if someone could comment. I'm working hard on this seeing as it's the first one I've written*