Looking Through the Cracks

Chapter 31: A Night of Wishes

Stepping outside, Ivy felt the tightness around her chest loosen. With each fresh breath of air, she felt the negative thoughts and emotions recede to from her mind. They certainly weren't gone, but they could at least be held at bay for the time being. Enjoying her moment of peace, Ivy found a spot in the freshly mowed grass and laid her body out. Looking up at the night sky, she could see the millions of stars glinting in the dark. 

As she gazed skyward, Ivy felt B lay down next to her. She could feel her skin electrify with the proximity of his hand by hers. Although she had held B's hand several times throughout the day as he led her about the hotel, Ivy couldn't help but feel a slight thrill at the idea of her hand in his. Cautiously, she slid her hand a little closer, until her pinkie was touching his hand.

Slowly, B slid his upturned hand underneath Ivy's. If it was anybody else, Ivy would have thought he was nervous. But Ivy knew it was different with B. She knew his hesitation was not out of nervousness, but out of concern for her. He treated her like a wild animal, afraid that any sudden movements might scare her off. Several quiet seconds passed as Ivy held her breath in fear. In fear of B's rejection while simultaneously fearing his acceptance. Timidly, Ivy pushed through her fear and allowed her fingers to intertwine with his.

Delicately, B began to leisurely stroke his thumb along the back of Ivy's hand, and Ivy couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort. It was like he had found the key to her caged heart, and just like that he had momentarily freed it from its prison. Feeling a sense of joy she hadn't felt in a while, a pleasant sigh of relief escaped from Ivy's lips.

"You don't have to do this alone, you know." B's voice was clear as he stared up at the sky.

"What?" Ivy asked, even though she heard him perfectly fine.

B rolled over onto his side so he could face Ivy, his hand still clinging to hers. "Everything you're going through. You don't have to do it alone. It's okay to ask for help."

Ivy continued to lay on her back as she responded, "I'm scared, B." She barely spoke above a whisper, afraid that if she spoke her fears aloud they might become reality. "What if I ask for help, and I just get told it's impossible? What if this is what my life is like forever? I won't be like my dad. I won't have someone to help me." She paused before speaking again, "I'm scared to do this on my own, B."

""Ivy, listen to me. You don't have to do this on your own. Have you been listening to me? I want to be there for you. God, Ivy, I'm fighting to be there for you. Please, just let me help."

Ivy rose and wrapped her arms around her bent knees. "But you see, that scares me even more."

B remained silent, as he waited for Ivy to explain. When she didn't elaborate, he finally spoke, "Okay, now you've lost me."

Ivy sighed deeply before speaking again, "I'm scared to handle this all by myself, but I'm more scared of hurting you. Of you eventually getting sick of all my shit and deciding to leave like--" Ivy's voice broke as she struggled to finish her sentence, "like--my-- mom." Like a dam shattering to pieces, a tsunami of emotions came crashing through Ivy's heart. As her emotions bombarded her, she felt like a tiny sailboat lost in the middle of a storm. No matter how much she cried, the more the storm inside raged on.

Just when she thought she'd drown in sorrow, she was thrown an anchor. Wrapping his arms around her, B held Ivy's head to his chest as she continued to cry. At first, she resisted his support, her body rigid as he held her. But eventually, she decided to accept his anchor and allowed herself to collapse into his embrace. As she cried, she thought of all the times B had been there for her, even when she didn't want him there. Despite all her attempts to protect him, he kept throwing himself into the fire to save her.