Looking Through the Cracks

Chapter 14: Prepping for the Party

By the time Ivy made it home, it was almost five in the afternoon. Although the party wouldn't start for another four hours, when Elijah would arrive was still unknown. When they parted ways, he said he'd come over once he got all the food and drinks. Ivy had no idea how long that would take, so she rushed up to her bedroom to start getting ready.

Before today, the last time Ivy had stepped foot in her room was the beginning of the week. Upon discovering B's gift, Ivy chose to hide it in her room until she was ready to deal with it. Now, as she opened her bedroom door, she could see the white bag calling to her from its spot on the floor beside the bed. She wasn't looking forward to it, but from all the movies she saw, people always wound up making out in bedrooms during parties. The last thing she wanted was for someone to discover the journal, or worse, B's note.

Reaching into the bag, Ivy withdrew the journal, B's note sticking out between the pages. A pang of guilt shot through Ivy like a bolt of lightning as her fingers wrapped around the soft leather. Immediately she got a flashback of her last interaction with him. She felt horrible about how she had treated him, but she couldn't allow him to get close to her. It was for the better, even if he couldn't see that right now. Opening her bedside drawer, Ivy buried the journal, along with her concerns about B deep within.

As she walked over to her mirror, Ivy was surprised to discover how much her appearance had changed over the last week. The most obvious was the way her clothes now seemed to hang off her body. It was only then that Ivy became abundantly aware of her hunger. Since her father had been taken, Ivy's appetite had nearly disappeared. The only thing that sustained her these several days was a mixture of decaf and regular coffee, depending on the time of day.

Forcing herself to do a full analysis of her appearance, Ivy studied her reflection. Looking at her legs, she could see the faintest whispers of hair. If they see hair on your legs you're going to look like such a loser. Ivy's gaze traveled upward to her touching thighs. Even with all that weight you lost you still can't get a thigh gap. Flinching, Ivy continued to her butt, which was nonexistent in her baggy denim shorts. Oh but look you lost enough weight to ruin your best asset. Jumping to her stomach, Ivy found one thing to revel in: the little bit of extra weight she carried in her lower abdomen was gone. This worked pretty well. Why don't more people do this? Regaining her resolve from the brief mental praise, Ivy soldiered on with her visual scrutiny. Breasts? Too small. Lips? Too thin. Nose? Too big. Eyes? They're carrying more bags than a shopaholic. Eyebrows? Sparsely bushy. How does that even happen?

With each demeaning thought on her appearance, Ivy nodded along. Unfortunately several of her flaws could not be resolved for tonight, but whatever Ivy couldn't fix, she intended to hide or draw attention away from.

Pulling her shirt over her head, Ivy was punched in the nose by her own ripe odor. She didn't even want to think about when she had last showered. Her face heated in shame as she imagined what she looked like to Elijah. You're lucky you even managed to get invited. With how ugly and gross you looked today, you deserved to hide in your room all night. Feeling the need to earn her place at the party, Ivy made it her goal to look the best she could tonight. With a focus in mind, Ivy pulled her hair out of its messy bun and began weed-whacking at the rat's nest it had developed into.

***

Clean, and her hair neatly brushed out, Ivy began to recognize the old her. Ivy couldn't believe how much her life had changed in just a week. She could feel her mind wanting to follow that train of thought, but Ivy quickly shut it down. Drawing her attention to her closet, Ivy began rummaging through her clothes. Due to her sudden weight loss, Ivy had to go searching through the far edges of her closet for something that might fit her. Sliding the hangers down, Ivy could see a clear evolution of her clothes: the older they got the more colorful they became. Towards the center of the rack, where her most frequently worn clothes hung, Ivy saw variations of gray and black. Towards the far right, Ivy saw dresses made of vibrant colors. Worried she would look like Michael from "10 Things I Hate About You" when he shows up to a party with a tie on, Ivy searched for a happy medium between her modern-day gloom and past of perky patterns.