Looking Through the Cracks

Chapter 30: Past and Present Hauntings

Climbing up the stairs, Ivy couldn't help but wonder when B had intended to address the overly seductive elephant in the room. Her cheeks still warmed at the thought of their near kiss before Ashley arrived. But as quickly as that heat blossomed, it evaporated when she remembered not only what Ashley looked like, a 2.0 version of Ivy, but that she was B's ex-girlfriend. It was hard enough for Ivy to take things further with B. She could barely wrap her mind around her own life, never mind her life plus someone else. But now Ivy had this singular cloud of self-doubt that continued to rain down on her.

If B broke up with Ashley, there is no way he'd ever be happy with someone as mediocre as me Ivy thought.

Even if he could love someone as fucked up as you, do you really want him to go through the same thing your mother went through? You already know how that story ends. Like clockwork, Ivy's negative thoughts clustered in her mind. Except this time, she couldn't help but agree with them. Rather than a monster pushing her towards her demise, these thoughts felt more like a friend. She might not have liked what they said, but she couldn't argue against the validity of its concern. At this moment, the monster that lived rent-free in her mind felt like words of wisdom. It's for the better. He deserves better. You're right she mentally confessed to her demon. There's no reason for my family's disease to hurt anyone else. With this new commitment in mind, Ivy followed B with a new armor wrapped around her heart.

Ivy reached out for B's shoulder. "B, Stop."

His shoulders slumping in defeat, B froze, his back still facing Ivy. "There's nothing to talk about," he mumbled.

"Really? Your gorgeous girlfriend shows practically throwing herself all over you, and all you can say is 'there's nothing to talk about."

"Ex-girlfriend, Ivy. As in no longer together. As in I'm not interested in her anymore. As in," he raised his fingers in air quotes "there is nothing to talk about."

"Well, she's clearly still interested in you..." Ivy's voice trailed off. There was a part of her that worried B was oblivious to Ashley's continued attraction, and by addressing it now, she was practically officiating their marriage herself.

It was the change in Ivy's voice that caused B to abruptly turn and face her.

"She" B pointed to the floor, referring to Ashley's last location, "is not still interested in me. She's just doing what she has always done; She saw me happy with someone else, and decided she had to ruin it."

"But what if she's doing that all because she misses you?" Ivy couldn't believe she was arguing for Ashley, but the words were out of her mouth before she could take them back.

"Ivy, I need you to understand this," he reached forward and held Ivy's face between his hands. Despite the hunger in his eyes, B's touch remained gentle. Forced to stare into his eyes, Ivy found herself drowning in their endless depth of passion. "It doesn't matter what Ashley wants. I'm done with that relationship, and nothing she says or does is going to change that."Struck speechless, Ivy stumbled to get her words out. "Does-Does-does she know that?" B continued to embrace Ivy's face, "It doesn't matter how many times I tell her, she's never going to accept it. But I don't care about her knowing that. I need you to know that."

"Why?" Ivy asked.

B's knee-weakening gaze formed a dent in her armored heart. "Ivy," he began, his tone sincere. "You already know how I feel about you. I certainly haven't kept it a secret." He laughed self-deprecatingly.