The Mafia's Dove (Hyunjin centric)

Asshole

The thing that finally woke me up was the feeling of someone touching my face, whoever was in front of me having brushed the hair from my still closed eyes. They tucked the strands behind my ear with a tenderness that almost made me forget my desperate fight for control, and the awareness that someone was awake and close enough to help was the last thing I needed in order to wrestle for consciousness.

My eyes finally fluttered open after what felt like a year long battle, and as my vision cleared, I was met with the sight of a concerned Chan. His brows were furrowed with worry as he looked down at me, his hand still raised as he continued to mess with my hair.

"Are you okay? You were crying in your sleep." His voice was soft and warm despite the obvious sleep that tainted it, and he loosened his grip as I practically shot up, terrified of the thought of staying reclined lest I once again fall back into that suffocating prison. The arms wrapped around my chest dropped at my sudden movement, and I could feel the person behind me shuffle slightly as they grumbled, though ultimately stayed asleep.

"Hyunjin?" Chan also sat up, though with a lot more composure, and he raised his hands as if to touch me. However, he seemed to notice my anxiety and kept his hands to himself, an action I greatly appreciated.

I breathed deeply, the feeling of oxygen entering and exiting my lungs working to calm my nerves as I kept my eyes open wide, still a little scared of falling back asleep. Eventually I found myself able to speak, and with a breathless tone, I decided to finally respond to the clearly troubled Australian. "I'm fine."

The sentence felt rather odd to say out loud, because while I was very much fine now that I had awoken, saying that I was feeling anything other than troubled didn't exactly feel like the truth. My heart was still beating out of my chest as I continued to stare directly in front of me, for some reason not having the energy or motivation in order to move my eyes someplace else.

The duvet had been disturbed by my abrupt awakening, the fabric pooling around my hips as I dug my fingers into the cloth. I felt like I was sweating, but moving the blanket away would also remove it from Chan and whoever else was sleeping beside me. While I found myself slightly curious, I couldn't find the motivation to check their identity.

I couldn't find the motivation for anything, really. Now that my anxiety had eased I felt empty, much like I had the first morning here. What had Felix called it? Emotional numbness? I felt detached from everything, and while Chan was still stressing out beside me, I couldn't find it in me to once again reassure him that I was fine.

Was I fine? The memories of last night had already begun to flood in as I continued to stare at my bedroom door, and while I knew I should still be panicking about what Chan had learned as well as feeling despair over the reminder of such an event, a growing numbness kept those feelings at bay. Was my mind attempting to protect me from another breakdown? Felix had said it was a coping mechanism, so perhaps I just couldn't deal with the stress of it all. But then what was that weird trance-like state I had been stuck in? Another stress response?

Feeling numb was supposed to help, but then why did it feel so unpleasant?

The unnamed form beside me began to mumble as they stretched, apparently deciding to wake up as a yawn escaped them. As they sat up their face became visible from my peripheral, and though my heart slightly warmed at the sight of a tired Jisung, that weird and unpleasant numbness quickly blocked out the feeling.

He rubbed his face before looking around, and I caught a small glimpse of his smile as his eyes landed on me and Chan. However, his expression fell slightly when he noticed the look the older was still giving me, and he also turned his attention towards me as he pushed away the blanket.