I pull away from Lucas and my eyes slowly open. His are already on me, and I'm still reeling from the effects of that tantalizing kiss to even process anything else. But I have to start. I have to start compartmentalizing my feelings and giving them a place to exist because whatever I'm doing right now is clearly not working out for me. I'm a mess. My mind is not thinking straight. And I hate that I have no control over my feelings anymore. I hate that Lucas is the one who does.
I go to walk past him in the hopes that doing so will permanently erase what just happened between us, but it's no use because he's quick to chase after me.
"Lil, wait," he calls out. "Lil, I didn't mean it."
I keep going, only now, I've picked up my pace. I don't even care about the Uber, I'll walk home if I have to. I just have to get away from here. From him.
"Lil, c'mon. Will you just stop for a second and talk to me?"
He finally catches up to me and gently tugs my arm back, but it's with enough urgency to get me to stop.
"Let go of me," I seethe, pulling my arm away, and he lets out a breath.
I hate him for kissing me, but I loved the kiss, too, and that's why I'm so angry. Wanting Lucas makes me lose sight of everything in my life that's not tied to him, and I can't do it anymore. I won't risk who I've grown up to be for a guy who can't even commit.
"Lil, I didn't mean it. I got caught up in the moment, and it just happened."
"It just happened? Really, Lucas? I'm not like your one-and-done hookups, so just do me a freakin' favor and take me off your lame roster of girls." I go to turn on my heel but he's quick to grab my hand again.
"Is that what you think?" he asks, squinting his eyes at me in disgust. "That I see you as just a hookup?" I cross my arms, but don't say anything. "If the answer is yes then you haven't been paying attention to any of the signs, Lil."
"Let me guess. One of your lines? Tell that to all the girls you kiss?" I start clapping sarcastically. "Ladies and gentlemen, the Oscar for Best Actor goes to Lucas Bennett."
"You know what?" he scoffs, his hand in the air. "Forget it. I'm done trying to explain something to you that you clearly have no interest in understanding."
"And what's that, Lucas? Hmm? What don't I want to understand?"
He looks at me, waiting to speak. And then he finally does. "You said that I see you as one-and-done."
"That's right," I confirm with a condescending nod.
"If that were the case, then why can't I stop thinking about you?"
"I don't know, because...because...," I shake my head, finding any excuse that I possibly can, "...you're...bored."
He snickers at me in disbelief. "You know what? I think you're so scared of me feeling even an ounce of anything for you that you're choosing to create this fucked up story in your mind of the kind of guy that I am." He walks closer to me and my heart rate picks up.
I nod condescendingly and push my lip out. "You done?"
"No. There's one more thing." He glides even closer to me so that no space separates us anymore. "I think you think about me, too. I think you want to be with me, too."
Ugh, I hate him right now. I hate him.
"Would you stop telling me what I think?" I snap. "Stop telling me what I want, what I feel. Just stop."
"I'll stop the second that you start being honest with yourself. I don't get it, Lil, seriously I don't. Is lying easier? Is telling yourself what you think you want to hear easier? Or is it just that you like feeling safe? You like living in your little bubble of certainty. No, actually. You know what? Fuck that. You don't like feeling safe, you force yourself to. You're so scared of entering an unknown territory that you do everything in your power to stop yourself from taking even the smallest step into something that's unfamiliar."
"You're such an ass. And I hate you," I state.
"You hate me because you know that I'm right. Admit it."
I shake my head and scowl at him. I want the words – any words – to come out of my mouth right now, but I have nothing left. The only thing that I can do at this point is walk away from him. And if I don't do it now, I probably won't ever.
So I hold my gaze on him for just a few seconds longer, knowing that I'm about to tear my eyes away. And then I do it. I walk away from him.
YOU ARE READING
The Bennett Boys
RomanceI was wrapping up my junior year of high school when my mom told me that we were moving. It was goodbye Cambridge, Massachusetts and hello Newport, Rhode Island. I knew that Newport was going to be nothing like Cambridge; I knew that I was going to...
