The Bennett Boys

CHAPTER 32

Why do we always want what we can't have? Why do we crave dangerous love instead of embracing the healthy kind that's dangling right in front of our faces? Why do we choose what might be bad for us? What drives us mad? Why?

Leaving Lucas last night had me feeling all kinds of emotions. I'm with Teddy but it's hard to ignore the part of me that also wants Lucas. That might want Lucas more.

I have something so good, so pure with Teddy but a part of me is willing to tarnish it for someone so unpredictable, so reckless as Lucas. Lucas isn't a bad person, but he can't treat me the way that I deserve to be treated. He even said so himself last night. Yet, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't still want him. And that's how I know that I have to end things with Teddy. He deserves only the best from someone. And I'm not giving it to him by crushing on his brother.

Raegan picked me up and suggested we head into town for mani, pedis. I'm in one of the pedicure massage chairs next to her skimming People Magazine, when my eyes laser in on a picture that nearly renders me speechless.

Because the picture isn't just any kind of picture. It's a photo of my dad and a woman smiling as they hold each other. But that's not all. My dad's carrying a little kid in his arms as the woman holds onto his back. The headline reads: Business Mogul Alan Miller Set To Marry Longtime Love Rachie Matthews.

Longtime love?

Set to marry?

My dad? And this woman?

A kid? As in their kid?

I read each sentence in the quarter-page article extremely slowly, making sure that I don't miss a single word.

When I get to the end, I contemplate re-reading what I just did to make sure that I digested everything correctly, even though I know that I did the first time around.

I know that my dad runs the biggest tech company in the world. He actually started it right after he and my mom divorced. What I'm unfamiliar with is the fact that he started seeing someone right after their marriage ended. According to this article, my dad and Rachie have been dating for 8 years. 5 years later, they had a baby boy out of wedlock. And now, they're finally tying the knot in Italy.

Besides being in total and complete shock, the first thing that comes to mind is why her? Why did my dad choose this girl when he had my mom? Did he not love my mom as much? Did he even love my mom at all? And then I think about myself. How he never reached out to me after he packed up and left that day. 9 years, and not a peep. Not a check-in text or a birthday call. Nothing. Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Was I unlovable to him? Was I not enough?

Maybe Lucas is right. Maybe being in love isn't worth the risk. Maybe you do give your heart to someone just to have them leave you in the end and break it.

"Earth to Lily?" Raegan says, waving her hand up and down in the air.

"Huh," I ask, clutching the paper to my chest.

"I said, can you please, pretty pretty please, wingwoman me to this party Saturday night? This guy that I've been crushing on for years just invited me and said I can bring whoever."

"Uh." My mind is not processing a single thing besides this photo right now.

"Pleaseeeeee," she clasps her hands and presses her lips together. 

"Okay," I say but don't even know what I'm agreeing to. I heard the word 'party' but that was pretty much it.

"You're the bestest," she says and I just fake smile at her, going back to the article, and rereading it for a second time.

***

Raegan wanted to grab a bite to eat afterwards, but I told her that I had to go home and help my mom with something. It was a lie, but a white one. Plus, I wouldn't have been much fun to be around considering my focus is elsewhere right now.

Mom's in the backyard gardening when I get home. I don't mean to bring bad energy to her place of solace, but I have to ask her about my dad. Otherwise, it'll just tear me up inside.

I slide the back door open and mom smiles at me. "You're just in time! Check these out," she says, holding up a vine from her tomato tree. "How gorgeous are these tomatoes?"

"Wow," I say, taking steps towards her. "They look great."

"I can't wait to make something with them next week," she exclaims and I flash her a quick smile. "How was your day with Raegan?"

"Good." I pause, then get straight to it. "That is until I came across an article about dad getting remarried."

Mom shoots her head up. "What?" she remarks.

"Yup. People Magazine did an article on his engagement to some red-head girl. Oh, they have a kid, too."

"Wait," mom shakes her head in confusion. "I'm sorry. Slow down. A kid?!"

"Mhm. 3 years old. Did you even know that my dad was seeing someone right after your marriage to him ended?"

"I actually did. Believe it or not. He had the decency to tell me about her. Not that it was any of my business, our divorce had been finalized at that point."

"Makes up for all the things that he didn't tell you when you were married to him."

"Lily..."

"What? You know it's true."

Mom removes her gardening gloves and throws them down on the floor before walking closer to me. "What's going through your mind?" she asks.

"What a piece of shit he is," I state.

"Lily, I know you're angry with him. But your dad and I had our reasons for why we didn't work out. If we ended up staying together, we would've been miserable and it wouldn't have been healthy for either one of us, let alone you."

"I just don't get why he left. Did we do something wrong?"

"Oh, honey, no," mom says, reaching for my hand. "I don't want you to ever think that any of this was your fault. It wasn't. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't your dad's. Sometimes, people drift apart and aren't meant to be. And that was the case for us."

"Is it actually that simple? Marriage seems deeper than that."

"I mean, there were other factors that played a part, yes, but there was nothing you could've done to change the outcome of things. And you want to know what? I'm at a point in my life where I'm happy. Truly. And I hope he is. I really do wish him the best of luck."

"Well, I care about your happiness. So, if you say you're happy and mean it, then that's all I can really ask for."

"I mean it," she confirms. "I am happy."