dreaming // 5sos

20

Luke

When you knew you were at work for 24 hours, it dragged. Just an hour ago, I had dropped Gabi at school with her overnight bag, then come to work. I had been catching up on notes, but finally had other work to do so hoped it would go faster.

I helped with rounds, then had a few consultations, then delivered coffee to the nurses station because they were always helping me out and I doubted they had much time to get their own.

When it was finally lunch, I managed to catch up with Ash, who spoke at me, because he knew I wasn't in the mood to talk myself .

I managed to get myself in the lab for most of the afternoon and evening which was actually rather pleasant. Jeremiah brought me some food and chat with me a bit before he had to leave for Julian, then I got back to work until my page went off for the ER; I got assigned there for the night. Honestly, I loved my job but I couldn't wait for my day to revolve around exactly what I enjoyed.

Between pages, I got to sleep, but it definitely wasn't a good sleep. The longest I got was 2 hours, which was a blessing. As it was a Friday night, the later it got, the more people that came. I was glad I got to clock out at 8am on Saturday before all the people with regrets who had managed to go to sleep, came in.

I had breakfast before I left, then made my way back home to try and get some more sleep. Realistically I should've started to pack, but I needed a few hours with my eyes shut. I didn't know how to even start packing.

I woke up to a knock on the front door, opening it to see Ash and Mike, with bin bags in their hands.

"We ready?"

"I just woke up,"

"Get us a drink then. Are her toys a good place to start?"

"Er, yeah. Can we just, I just need a minute,"

"Okay,"

"This is our home,"

I stood in the doorway of Gabi's room and looked round. Her drawings were stuck to the wall, she had stuff on her floor except the path she walked out of her room in was always clear because it was muscle memory for her, even in the dark. Her stuffed animals all had a different spot they sat, and her blanket was always left by her wardrobe because she liked to get out of bed and still be warm.

I knew we would move round in our life, and everything would find a new place, but I wished it wasn't so soon.

"Maybe we can start in the kitchen instead?"

"Yeah. I will do Gabi's room,"

Mike passed me some bin bags and I started to put her toys in, and her cushions, and the bedding that wasn't on her bed. I placed her drawings in a stack, and her toys into her toybox which I left in the hall with the bag of teddies on top.

We had no suitcase, so I put her clothes in the bin bags still on their hangers, and took her curtains down. They were her favourite. By the end, there was just the covers on her bed, but even then I decided she could sleep in my room so I packed her duvet and pillows.

When it was empty, I just sobbed.

"I am so sorry," Michael said quietly, speaking from behind me, "I know how much this place means to you,"

"I am sorry, I don't want to seem ungrateful,"

"You are not,"

"She really made her room her sanctuary and I feel so cruel taking it all down,"

"She will make a new one. Why don't we do your room?"

"Okay,"

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to come tonight?"