dreaming // 5sos

5

Luke

"Thank you so much, Calum,"

"No problem. How is she doing?"

"She is awake, she is pretending. How are you doing angel?"

"Not good,"

"I am sorry you have to sleep here darling!" Calum said to her

"They are putting a camera down me. They put two needles in me,"

"I bet you were so brave,"

"I screamed super loud and kicked my feet,"

He looked over at me and I nodded, raising my eyebrows. She was having none of it tonight.

"Well, I think that might have made it very hard to put the needles in,"

"Good,"

"Okay. Would you like me to stay or leave?"

"Stay,"

A doctor entered the room and she bundled herself up in the covers, then another one entered and she started crying, her heart rate rapidly rising. I hit my head on my knees and covered my face, then took a deep breath and got up to crouch beside her, stroking her hair.

"It is gonna be okay. I know you are so tired baby, you can go to sleep after this test, I promise,"

"I am scared,"

"They have medicine to make you less scared. One of the doctors is going to give you that through your hand, and you are gonna get very relaxed,"

"Good medicine?"

"It is all good, but yes, it will probably make you feel good,"

"Where is doctor wrinkles?"

"You cannot call him that in hospital," I laughed quietly, "He is coming back later,"

"Okay. I really don't want a camera down my body. Miss doctor I don't want to see inside of me,"

"You won't be able to see a thing. We are gonna take you to a different room, and dad can get dressed in some clothes that mean he can come and stand by you,"

"Uncle Calum?"

"I will wait right here,"

I walked down with them to the room, then put on an apron, scrub cap, and scrubbed in. They gave me some gloves, then I stood by her head, stroking her hair as the sedation kicked in. They numbed her throat too.

She laid on her side and they gave her something to bite on, then started the procedure which obviously was still not very nice for her. Stroking her hair wasn't doing much to calm her down. Even though she was definitely heavily sedated, she was still experiencing something unpleasant and she had a knack for knowing that even under the sedation.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, you'll be my sunshine forever, and ever.

You make me giggle, and make me smile, you make me happy, and really proud. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, you'll be my sunshine forever, and ever.

You are my princess, my only princess, and I think that you are super brave. I love your cuddles, and your kisses, you'll be my sunshine forever, and ever,"

She had a couple of tears, so I dried them, and continued to stroke her hair until it was done. When it was, and when it was safe to, I immediately picked her up and cuddled her tightly, bouncing her up and down. I felt so lucky to be able to do that still.

"All done. You are the bravest little girl I know. We are going to get you lots and lots of treats for that,"

"I wanna go home,"

"Soon,"

"Now,"

"Not now," I said, holding her head to my chest as I teared up because she didn't need to see that. One of the nurses came and stood by me and gently rubbed my arm, then dried my face with a tissue. I was trying to get better at not crying in these situations but I was so hard. Seeing your kid go through that was so hard.

"Dr Wrinkles!"

"Well that is a new name,"

"I am so sorry. Gabi, do not call him that,"

"It's alright, she is correct, I do have wrinkles," he laughed, shuffling round to see my face, "Are you getting sleepy yet?"

"Very,"

"I thought you might be. Shall we go back to your bed? Why don't I push you in a wheelchair?"

"Okay,"

I sat her down in it and he led us out the room, meaning I had chance to compose myself. I dried my eyes and bit my trembling lip, watching her hug her toy. When we got back to the room, he helped her onto the bed and tucked her in.

"This medicine is going to help you feel better," he said, washing his hands, before putting anti biotics in her hand.

"It hurts,"

"I thought it might," he laughed, "Everything hurts according to you!"

She giggled a bit, then coughed a lot, sniffling.

"I am gonna give you some painkillers for your sleep as well, and some fluids in your other hand,"

"And it is gonna be like magic?"

"I am hoping so,"

He gave her some medicine, then put fluids up, and turned out the big light for her.

"I am going home now, but I will see you in the morning,"

"Okay,"

"I hope you sleep well," he said, gently ruffling her hair, "You were braver than all the adults today,"

He probably wouldn't have even made it to the end of the hall by the time Gabi fell asleep, then I burst into tears. Without a word, Calum wrapped his arms round me and rubbed my back, pecking my cheek.

"She is okay, she did it! And I expect it is just because her throat is all sore from her coughing every two seconds, but I am glad we have been safe rather than sorry," he said, "And now all she has to do is rest,"

"She keeps getting sick,"

"She is six, she goes to school, she is gonna get sick unfortunately... let's go outside,"

He pushed me out to the hall and shut her door, then literally dragged me down a quiet corridor and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Deep breaths. Come on. Thank you,"

"I can't watch her hurt,"

"She will get better. You are doing an absolutely amazing job at being her dad, and her advocate, and making sure she gets the care she needs whether you like it or not. That was not gonna be pleasant for her but you knew it was the right thing, and that is the dad she needs,"

"It's crushing me,"

"It would be weird if it wasn't. I think that perhaps you should talk to someone again? I can take her for the hour each week,"

"No you can't, you are so busy,"

"I will take her for some of them. I always need extra time with my niece,"

"I wish I wasn't so anxious myself. I wanna make her feel okay about the doctors like she used to feel,"

"That will come with time, she is still only little. Hey, Michael should be ending his shift soon, why don't we all get some food while she sleeps?"

"What if she wakes up?"

"I have a very strong feeling that she will be out like a light for about the next twelve hours,"