dreaming // 5sos

15

Luke

As we ate, I couldn't stop thinking about what she said.

I often felt like a rubbish dad. People at school got holidays, new clothes, lots of money from the tooth fairy, lots of presents from santa. I did my best, and luckily she had so many people that loved her who would always make sure she had a special childhood, but I felt at a loss sometimes.

It clung to the back of my mind that maybe she wished she could be like her classmates, and have parents like them. Ash was a big believer that being a good person got you far, but I knew that life had the tendency to bite you with some pretty strong venom- you needed a bit of fight if you didn't have the resources to act as an antidote. He had them, I didn't. Nor did I have any fight.

Gabi was my whole world, and each time I almost lost her I had become more scared, and protective, and worried about how she thought of me. That was stupid, she was 6 years old, she thought a lot of things that didn't make sense- but I wanted her to be happy I was her dad. She showed it a lot, and said it a lot to be fair, but hearing proud? That really filled my heart.

"Do you have space for ice cream?"

"Maybe cake,"

"Shall we look at the menu then?"

I had put what she had spent on the calculator, and we were fine for pudding, so I let her order one and got one for myself too. When it came, her eyes practically came out of her head, and she got on her knees to kneel up. I took another photo of her, seconds before she dug into it like some sort of animal.
Admittedly, me too.

"This was the best food ever!"

"I am glad you enjoyed it darling,"

"Can we come again?"

"Um, maybe when it is a special event,"

"Okay. Yes. This is very special,"

They cleared our plates and we got the bill, then I gave them the card and got Gabi to sit on my lap so I could wipe her face.

"Erm, the gift card won't work, I am sorry,"

"Oh, the other waitress checked when I came in and told me there was money,"

"I will go and check again, sometimes this old thing acts up,"

"Thank you,"

"Dad, I need a pee,"

"Go and have one then,"

She hopped off my knee and went to the bathroom, which was in my sight, so that was fine.

"I am sorry, for some reason this won't work?"

"Please can I speak to the manager then?" I asked, picking at my shirt button. I quite literally could not pay.

She went and got him and they stood at the checkout for a while, then came back over with the card machine.

"I am really sorry sir, it seems to be our system. We can give you the gift card back for another but unfortunately we can only take cash or card tonight,"

"Oh. Okay. Can you give me a moment please?"

"Of course,"

I could feel my hands shaking, and pulled my phone out, immediately calling Ash. It was always Ash that I called and I felt bad, but it was.

"Hey dude. I thought you were off out?"

"Yeah. We are. The stupid gift card wont work and I don't have the money to cover the bill,"