dreaming // 5sos

3

Luke

"Mornings Hemmings,"

"Good morning, Jeremiah,"

"Julian mentioned that Gabi hasn't been at school?"

"Chest infection,"

"Awh bless her! How is she doing?"

"Better than I expected,"

"When she is better let me know and she can come round to play,"

"Thank you,"

"Hey, uh, let me know about the programme. Maybe we can figure out shifts and take each other's kids to study, or split childcare,"

"I don't know if now is the right time for me to be jumping into it all,"

"When is the right time gonna be?"

He had a point. I was waiting for some miracle. Gabi was always gonna be sick, and I had already gotten through all the application and interviews. It was just the exam now, but I was going to cancel it, honestly. Gabi needed me to stay at home, not take on even more work responsibilities.

But if I could work my way up then we could work our way up. She was a smart kid, I knew that she knew we didn't have much. I wanted to give her the world.

"You got me there,"

"You've gotta do it man, it'll be the best choice,"

"I will think,"

"Better than quitting,"

He gave me a fist bump, then we went separate ways, my main responsibility being the paediatric ward today. Most people were surprised that I liked it down there considering I had Gabi, but I thought that made me very well equipped for making sure we had a happy kids ward. It wasn't like it was my end goal anyway.

I did rounds, then made a priority list, and tended to patients accordingly. It wasn't a terrible morning, I had to replace a catheter and give a couple of new admissions an IV, but I was used to dealing with upset.

"Luke, hey, didn't get chance to call yesterday," Ashton said, nudging me into an on call room, "Got us lunch,"

"Thank you,"

"How are you doing?"

"Okay, she's at mum and dad's, so a bit better,"

"No, how are you doing?"

"Okay,"

"Had you not had time to do a food shop or not enough money to do a food shop?"

"Ash,"

"Money, then. You need to let us know dude, we can help out. If you don't accept for yourself at least accept it for Gabi,"

I shrugged and looked down, eating the food Ash had got me. It was a proper meal from the canteen, a relatively nice one too. Usually I grabbed whatever was free that day.

"We aren't judging you. I think you are doing an amazing job, and I can only hope to one day be half the dad you are... but I need you to let us know when you need help. Gabi is right, you are thin as bones, Luke,"

"I hate asking for help,"

"I know, man, I know. You can repay me one day,"

"How?"

"I dunno. By being here, being with my family, looking out for them,"

"That is not enough,"

"Yes it is. You have a support system round you, use it. Use me for whatever you need, even if thats just grabbing you a coffee to get through the day,"

"Thank you, Ash,"

"You are welcome. You've gotta be looked after too, even though she is 6 now you are still learning to be a dad,"

"Do you think I am actually a good dad?"

"Absolutely. No one has ever doubted that,"

"I feel so stuck, Ash. I don't know how this is all gonna get better. I was gonna cancel my exam, I can't train right now,"

"You got through all the interviews?"

"Yeah,"

"Why on Earth didn't you tell us?! That is incredible, do not cancel that exam. This is an amazing opportunity,"

"Gabi needs me,"

"We will all help out, and you know your parents practically beg to take her. This is your way out,"

"If I didn't have all these stupid court bills, and I know her medicine is mostly covered but still having to pay part of it each month... it's leaving me with nothing. I have to take so many days off,"

"It is going to get better. It might take a while, but you are gonna get where you want to be, and we are gonna help you,"

"This isn't how I imagined life,"

"I know, but the one thing you are definitely not lacking is love, and that can get you quite far on its own,"