dreaming // 5sos

16

Luke

It was safe to say I didn't wake up in the best mood, but Gabi was a ray of sunshine so I pretended I was too.

We both got ready, dancing while we brushed our teeth, then were out the door and on our way to school. Thankfully, she didn't need medicine anymore so there would hopefully be no tears, and she had no problem running to find Julian.

When I got in the car, I checked my pay, chewing on my lip. It was a lot less than usual, I had taken lot of time off to look after Gabi. If it wasn't for the food shop voucher then it would have been a food bank week for us at the end of the month. I paid rent, and my bills, then set off for work.

When I got there, I got my duties, and did my rounds for the morning. I saw a couple of patients, then got called to the lab and sat in there for a little bit. I grabbed lunch with a few of the other staff, then went to deliver some news to a couple of families waiting on test results. Thankfully both were good, which I had needed today.

"Dr Hemmings, can I have a word?"

I turned round to see my boss, and nodded, following him to the staff room. It was time to clock out anyway.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm okay,"

"You have taken a lot of time off,"

"Yeah, it's Gabi, she has been so sick. I am really sorry, I will figure out how to make hours up,"

"If you work a few weekends I am sure it will even out. I am more concerned about you taking on a lot more responsibility if you are given the opportunity of really delving into haematology. Do you think this year is the year?"

"I think there is never going to be a good time,"

"No?"

"Respectfully, my kid is dying and it doesn't matter how slowly that is happening, it is. There is never a good time for anything,"

"Okay. You have my support, I just wanted to let you know that if you change your mind then you can pick it up right back where you started next year... at the exam,"

"I am doing this now,"

"Okay,"

"Please don't interfere with any of my personal decisions," I said, nodding my head before I grabbed my coat, "I will be here tomorrow,"

"Sorry, I did not mean to come across that way, Luke. I just meant that if you are overwhelmed then that opportunity is there next year... but as you said, when is there a right time for anything ay?"

"Yeah. Thanks,"

"If you can make any hours up then let me know,"

"I will. Thank you,"

Walking with quite some pace, I left, heading out to the car park. Frustrated was probably the word I was feeling, perhaps a little angry, but frustrated did the job. I had only just worked myself up to doing this- why did he have to butt in like that? It had been a rough week, I always made my hours up, and it definitely didn't mean I wasn't capable.

Ideally, I would've calmed down before I picked Gabi up, but I didn't have time today, so I drove straight there. To be fair, she dilly-dallied and was the last one out like usual, but I still didn't like leaving her waiting at the gate.

"Dad!"

"Heya darling,"

"I fell over and cut my knee,"

"Awh man. I will fix it for you at home, dad way,"

"Thank you,"

"Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah,"

"Awesome. Let's get home,"

She told me all about her day on the way home, then ran straight for her toys when we got back, so I got the first aid kit and sat on the floor with her. Gently, I took the flimsy plaster off, and wiped it clean, then put a new one on and showered her knee with kisses.

"All better,"

"Thank you, dad,"

"I think your uncles might be coming later,"

She looked at me with worry plastered on her face, then shook her head.

"I mean Ash, Cal, and Michael,"

"Oh. Yay,"

"Uncle Jack and Ben love you lots and lots!"

"Okay,"

"They do,"

"Okay,"

I sighed, and stroked the hair from her face, booping her nose.
All she did was go back to playing with her toys, so I took a shower and went to the kitchen to make her some tomato pasta. As with every time I gave it to her, she was absolutely delighted, and we both ate it at the table.

When the doorbell rang, I let them in, and waited by the door for them to knock. It turned out everyone had come at the same time, which was nice, and I let them in.

"Uncle Michael?"

"Yeah?"

"It's you!"

"It's all of us,"

"I want a cuddle,"

She jumped up at him and he picked her up, her arms wrapping round his neck. Then, she reached out to Calum and grabbed his neck too, hugging them both.

"Are you gonna play with them for a bit?"

"And Ashton,"

"I'm just gonna chat to Ash for a bit, then he will play,"

"Okay,"

With her occupied, Ash slung his arm round my shoulder and hugged me, then ushered me into my bedroom and shut the door.

"How are you doing?"

"Meh. My boss tried to tell me doing this exam and everything wasn't a good idea. Made me feel a bit shit,"

"I think it is just what you need,"

"Yeah,"

"I also really think you need to start going back to therapy. I know things got a lot better about Kiera,"-

"Don't say her name,"

"Okay... from the outside looking in, Luke, you seem very anxious, and very easy to upset and I know that is a really difficult thing to be going through,"

"You're telling me you wouldn't be embarrassed if you had to call someone to pay for your meal? And get looked at like scum on the bottom of a shoe?"

"I would, but I don't think most people would be so down about it, and I am not saying you are not valid for your reaction, but it is not a fun one for ya," he said, rubbing my back, "I want you to be the best version of yourself,"

"I don't even know where to start. I'm not like, depressed,"

"You don't have to be depressed to go. I think it would really help your self esteem, and your anxiety. Talk to your doctor, I will take Gabi if I am free, and we will figure this out,"

I nodded, then gave him a hug, burying my head in his shoulder. If I had never found Ash then I did not know where I would be right now. He deserved every ounce of happiness in the world, and I hoped one day he got just that.