dreaming // 5sos

2

Luke

Studying to be a doctor had really set me up well at being a dad. I could fall asleep anywhere at anytime. Right now we had both fallen asleep infront of the tv blasting a kids show with squeaky ass voices, for a good hour or so.

I woke up when she did, letting her crawl onto me.

"What would you like for lunch sweet angel?"

"Nothing,"

"You need something. A sandwich?"

"With jam?"

"That is all we have so lucky for you,"

Gently, I bundled her under some blankets on the sofa and went across to the kitchen, making her a sandwich. She watched me do it, then I took it back over and she tucked in.

"Where is your sandwich?"

"I had one when you slept," I lied, "Don't worry about me!"

The truth was that that was the last of our bread, and we were nearly out of food, but I had to make it stretch. I knew I could ask my parents or my friends for help, they didn't have outstanding bills to lawyers, and prescriptions, and time off work to care for a little one, but I felt bad doing that.

I rested my head on hers and closed my eyes, glad that I had such good company. My daughter was my world.

"Dad, Sierra was very nice to me,"

"Who?"

"The doctor!"

"Oh. How do you know her name?"

"I read her badge,"

"Well aren't you a clever clogs!"

"I thought she looked young and princess like but also I am your only princess,"

"Yes, you are,"

"I feel really poorly,"

"Maybe we should get some fresh air? I will take you out in the pram," I said, stroking her hair.

"No,"

"Okay,"

"Can Uncle Ashton come soon and protect us?"

"We are safe, darling, but yes Uncle Ashton is coming later. Why don't I read you some books?"

She nodded, so we went to her room and she picked some books while I put new bedding on, then she climbed in and laid with her toys. I went and got her an ice lolly for her throat, then sat next to her and quietly read.

Her bed was too small for her really. It was still the convert from her old crib, and although technically she fit in it, it was for toddlers. My dad had built her a bookshelf, and all her toys from were second hand so covered in scuffs. However, she always loved those ones more than any shiny new toy my friends got her.

Reading didn't send her to sleep, so I sat and gently scratched her head until she did, her short hair knotting a bit in my fingers.

Once she was asleep, I decided to clean the bathroom, and felt much better for it. If I had guests, I needed it to look somewhat presentable.

I cleaned the kitchen too, and tidied some of the toys away in the living room. It was all one room, but we had a sofa and a tv, and a kitchen table. I hated it. It was dark, and empty, especially when Gabi's giggles weren't there to fill the place.

I was trying to train to be a haematologist but with all my absences it was hard, and it was difficult to study anything. I felt so stuck right now, watching everyone around me move up in life. Gabi was unplanned, and I would not change having her for the world, but I had always wanted to be able to givs my kid the best. A big bedroom, good education, sports, hobbies, god damn even multiple choices of food. We weren't there yet. We would get there, but not yet.