Thats Life

Chapter Forty-Two

This party sucks. I've been sitting on a couch with a cup of warm water, watching Ian run all over the place saying hi to people I don't recognize. I'm sure they used to be drug friends or whatever. He comes back over and sits down closer than I'd like him to, but at the same time the butterflies appear in my stomach. As much as it throws me off to be closer to him in public, I have to admit it's nice to feel wanted.

His leg was brushing up against mine, I can't pull my eyes away from it. I keep trying to think of excuses that I can use to stand up, or scoot over. Ian is oblivious, talking and laughing loudly with his friends. I look around the room to see if I can find Will. But as I assumed he is nowhere to be seen. Some part of me wished he would have hovered so I could use him to break away whenever I needed.

As Ian talks, he leg pushes harder into mine. A few times he leans back almost onto me, but I dodge it every time. I feel bad, I probably look so uncomfortable but I just don't know how to react.

I lean into Ian so I can talk to him over the music and the people talking. "Hey, you okay if I run outside real fast?" I ask. Am I an asshole to say I miss when we just suck each other off, and then leave? I'm not a fan of this hanging out thing at all, he isn't who he normally is with me.

"Yeah, you good?" He asks turning back a bit so that the back of his shoulder is leaning against my chest, I move my head back, so our faces aren't so close together.

"Just need some air." I move around him to get off the couch and walk towards the door. I don't stop on the stairs this time, I walk all the way down to the curb, and into the road. There's an old Chevy Impala to the right of me that reminds me of Suzies dumb show. I choose that car to lean against. The pack of cigs makes a slapping sound each time I tap it against my palm, I'm going to need at least seven of these back-to-back to stall for as long as I'm wanting.

After lighting it I roll the lighter in my hands. That goofy ass car with the silly face looking back at me.

The quiet out here is so calming, the birds are chirping but there's no one yelling over music, or the pounding bass. You can hear the music from inside still, but its not too much.

The sun is going down but for now casts gold shadows over everything, I close my eyes and embrace the warmth that floods over me.

I wonder if Ian would notice if I left, this is all too much, too overwhelming. I already don't like people but when you throw them all in a room while they are drunk... I can't stand it. I'm about to pull out my phone and let both Will and Ian know I'm leaving, when I hear a shuffle, and a voice behind me.

"You know, you shouldn't smoke."

I look to the left of me and see Josh standing there. Josh? What the hell?

Genuine confusion flashes across my face. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

This is a very odd turn of events that I was not expecting. Why would Josh be here? To be fair, I don't even know how old he is, but I do know that he doesn't go to my school. However, a very pleasant surprise to see him.

"Some friends convinced me to meet them here, they go to the school. I'm not a party person but it beats being home alone." He shrugs. "Why are you here?" He takes a few sips of the beer he has in his hand.

I turn and look towards the door and then back at him and take another drag before answering – for the dramatics obviously – "It's a party. I never miss a party."