Thats Life

Chapter Thirty-Five

"How have you been?" Will speaks up almost the second we are in his car and on our way to school.

A tad suspicious, I lean away from him, closer to the door. "Fine... how have you been?"

"Good, good." His fingers tap on the steering wheel. "Been hanging out with friends?" He asks with uppity tone.

"Making sure I'm not doing drugs?" I ask mocking the same tone.

He sighs "It's just, you wake up so early, I drop you off at school, then I don't see you until 9 sometimes 10. When you come home, you go right to your room. I wanted to give you space and ignore it but it's been almost a month of you just... never being home."

"I go to bed Will. I go to bed when I get home, which is something people do when they wake up early."

"But what about all the in-between time? I'm not accusing you of anything, I'm just curious. You always say yourself that you don't have friends."

I shake my head and look out the front window. "Just curious? I used to be in trouble because I was in my room all day. Now I'm in trouble for being out of it? If Suzie or Tyson were gone all day no one would think twice or even second guess it. No one would put them in a car and question them." A breathy laugh breaks through my chest.

I can feel the tension get thicker, I know Will is an angry guy and maybe some part of me wants him to be mad at me so he will lay off. Or maybe he will say something hurtful to me and I'll have an excuse as to why I'm not talking to him for the next few days, whatever I'm hoping for I know it isn't healthy.

"Suzie and Tyson didn't just try and kill themselves, Jace. Suzie and Tyson aren't recovering from six years of drug use. I asked you a simple question and now you're getting all defensive, what am I supposed to think?"

"You don't need to think anything!" My arms are spread defensively, I hate feeling attacked every time one of them bring anything about me up. "Why are you required to have an opinion on what I've been doing? Why don't you just trust me?"

"Because I have, Jace! Because I have trusted you, I trusted you and then I had to call you an ambulance. I trusted you, and Suzie found you half dead on your bedroom floor. This isn't about trust, this is about the fact that I should be able to check in on my depressed, addict of a little brother without him flipping his shit." He breathes heavy, "The only reason I know you are still there, and still, you is because of the old man music that plays in your room at night. You know I can't sleep until I hear it?"

I hate that I can't be mad at him for this. That for once in his life he decided not to react like a dick, and actually showed some vulnerability, he never opens up even just enough to mention he can't sleep until he knows I'm home safe.

"Fuck, Will. You're right. I'm sorry, I just wish the past could be erased it sucks that I am going to be questioned about everything I do or don't do for the rest of my life" I look out towards the people walking in and out of the school. We have been parked for a few minutes now.

"Only because we want to be sure you're good, not because we don't trust you."

"Alright." A few seconds go by, enough for me to calm down a bit. "I'm not doing anything you need to be worried about. Just, going out and experiencing the world as an adult."

I look up and meet his eyes with mine, he's nodding but I'm sure he isn't entirely convinced. "Okay. Okay, I'll trust you on this but, could you try to be present more? It's not just me who's worried."

I force myself to stay awake two to four hours a night after work sometimes just to be more 'present'. He isn't the only one who's worried, here it is again, that secret Jace circle they have that for some reason, Jace isn't a part of.